Ketika aku merasa cukup....

Aku belum pernah merasa begitu marah seperti saat ini. Sebenarnya bukan hanya kali ini. Sudah berulang kali, tapi aku tahan. Selalu berada pada posisi yang serba salah. Terpojok. Terhina.

Belum pernah aku merasa jatuh begitu dalam ke sebuah jurang tak berdasar. Tak mampu berpegang karena tak ada yang bisa dipegang, selain diriku sendiri. Belum pernah aku merasa membiarkan diriku diinjak-injak dan dihina seenaknya seperti kali ini. Segala sesuatu yang aku lakukan tak pernah cukup. Segala sesuatu yang aku katakan tak cukup baik untuk dipercaya. Diperlakukan seperti manusia kelas dua. Segala canda yang terlontar terasa menusuk dan penuh penghinaan, tapi jika aku tak tertawa, maka aku disebut manusia bodoh dan aneh yang tak punya selera humor.

Sering aku merasa tak sanggup lagi bertahan, tapi bukankah cinta itu tak berpamrih? Tak menuntut perubahan dan menerima apa adanya....? Menerima apa adanya.... tapi jika terus menerus menyakiti, apakah harus tetap diterima? Jika terus menerus terhina, apakah harus tetap diterima?

Aku merasa cukup sudah.... tapi aku juga tak ingin menyudahi semuanya...

Searching for Serenity

I can't wait to get away from this city. I've been living in this busy city for quite a while now. And from time to time, I travel to other cities around this region [and even other region]. But all the cities I've visited was always the big city. Metropolitan. Crowded and merry. Somehow, I feel numb now. Tired of being in the noise and business of the place. I need quiet time. I need to go somewhere with less noise. I'm tired of seeing tall buildings and longing for greenery, mountain, river, rice field, forest and natures. I want to see misty morning when I wake up. I want to feel the fresh and cool air. I want to see the dew drops.

I need serenity. I need inspiration for my soul. Inspiration to be more productive. I need to feed my soul with peace. My soul needs a lift, because it's been so low for too long. I've become too sensitive over some things and insensitive over some other things. I need to fix myself, because more and more people don't understand me. I just need serenity... I need to get rid of all the rage, anger, despair and hatred that lies within me. I need to let them dissolve into the thin air. Maybe... just maybe, a little after that, I will be a way much better person...

Reflection

Look at me...
you may think you see who I really am,
but you never know me
Every day it’s as if I’m playing a part
Now I see, if I wear a mask I can fool the world,
but I cannot fool my heart

Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me...
When will my reflection shows who I am inside...

I am now in a world
where I have to hide my heart and what I believe in
But somehow I will show the world
what’s inside my heart and be loved for who I am

Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me...
Why is my reflection someone I don’t know...
Must I pretend that I’m someone else for all time...
When will my reflection shows who I am inside...


I've been listening to that song [Reflection by Christina Aguilera], not because I like the singer, but because I feel the lyrics is very much reflecting what I feel lately...

Sometimes I looked in the mirror and I don't really recognize my own reflection. It's just a woman stares back at me...
Sometimes she looked happy.
Sometimes she looked sad.
Sometimes she looked excited.
Sometimes she looked depressed
Sometimes she looked joyful.
Sometimes she looked lifeless and empty.
Sometimes she looked desperate.
Sometimes she has traces of tears on her cheeks.
Sometimes she has the brightest smile on.
Sometimes she looked angry.
Sometimes she looked enthusiastic.
Sometimes she looked full of confident and sweet.
Sometimes she looked so low and bitter.
Sometimes she looked contented.
Sometimes she looked lost.
Sometimes she looked beautiful.
Sometimes she looked ugly and beaten.
Sometimes she looked strong.
Sometimes she looked vulnerable and fragile.

And then I started to wonder... What had happened....exactly...
Who is it...? Is it me...?
Most of the time I didn't recognize my reflection now...

I do believe that everybody is perfect in their own ways. Their imperfectness makes them perfect as human. They are perfect because they are not perfect in every way. I do believe that people should not be compared, because everyone is unique and different to one another. How do you compare 2 different and unique things? You can't! And you shouldn't! But however, people are free to have their opinion toward others.

I am perfect in my own ways. I am perfect for the way I am. People can point fingers on me or insult me or spit on me, but that doesn't degrade me as a person, as a human being. I am not defined from what people labeled me. I am defined from what I do best in my life. I don't care if people are being negative on me. I am doing what my heart tells and I am being true to myself.

One day, I will be able to turn all the pointed fingers and let them see... that I am perfect in my own way... that everybody is perfect in their own ways...


[low, lost and bitter]
KL, 5 December 2008 | I threw my dreams in the sky and just want to see how many of them are coming back to me at the end of the day....|

Lonely...

To the glistening Java Sea, I surrender my soul...

Sail... sail away from the sorrow to the light...

Behind the bright blue sky, lies a serene greeneries...

Somewehere between the clouds...

Life is weird. Just when you want it to treat you nicely, it turns around and destroys your whole world. And when you wish for it to fall apart, it builds itself high up. When you started to walk away from it, it will chase you. But when you turn around and follow, it pushes you away.

All I know is that sometimes some things are not meant to be questioned....
Sometimes some questions don't have answers...

I'm a Wounded Soul

I am a wounded soul

But you’re not the one

For the revenge…

#

I wish you understand…

#

I’m just an ordinary woman

#

So used to pain,

But don’t want to hurt anyone

#

Especially you....

#

You are the new colours

That I have in life,

Because your smile

Bring laughter in me...

#

I am just a wounded soul...

#

So, when you offer me your love,

I only have one to ask...

#

Will you keep me safe...?

#

If not.....

#

Don’t love me.......

[from me to you.... Chris]

When the day isn't MY day...

I’m staring blankly to my laptop screen. I don’t know what to do. “This is not my day”, that’s what I thought. Everything is a mess today. I woke up this morning with a spirit to spend the whole day in a very optimistic way. But then, that was what I thought I’m gonna do. The fact is… I opened my mailbox and there it is… laying there… an email from one of the research participants. All of the sudden, out of the blue, withdraw his participation in my research. GREAT!!! I’ve been waiting and waiting and delaying the deadline and delaying the deadline again… and now what I got? [sigh…] A bloody withdrawal!!!A withdrawal without any specific reasons. I felt like brain was in between frozen and exploding. That hurts!

Love Hurts

Moonlight | Yiruma

River Flows in You | Yiruma

Dreams by Yiruma

Love Me | Yiruma

If I could see you again | Yiruma

Sad Love Story | Yiruma

Cherry Blossom

Kiss The Rain

secret garden

From the Beginning Until Now - OST Winter Sonata

My Memory [violine]

My Memory - OST Winter Sonata

Only You - OST Winter Sonata

Secret Garden

Dreamcatcher by Secret Garden

Winter Song

Water Song | Dee | Out of Shell

Lies | OST. Once

IL DIVO | All by myself | Solo Otra Vez [sin amor]

Bliss - Kissing | Hed Kandi - Winter Chill Version

Bliss - Quiet Letter | Bliss - Wish You Were Here

Bliss - Lost Soul

Bliss - Kissing

I've been looking for this song...

Secretly [Skunk Anansie - OST Cruel Intention]

You'll Follow Me Down by Skunk Anansie

I really like this song, and somehow, it reflected myself recently....

"Survived tonight, I maybe going down cause everything goes wrong...

I don't want you to forgive me...
You'll follow me down...

I can't compensate what's more than I've got to give..."

Museo Frida Kahlo

One of my dream is to visit Frida Kahlo Museum. And I'm sooo happy that today, my dream had come true. Finally, I got the chance to visit Museo Frida Kahlo in Mexico City.

She is one hell of a remarkable female artist, and visiting her house is such an unforgettable experience. Too bad no one was allowed to take pictures inside the house.

The house called "The Blue House". It painted in bright blue colour. The kitchen's colour is yellow. It's a nice Mexican house with small ponds and garden. The house was full with its original furnitures. Several main rooms are filled with the display of Frida's and Diego's stuff like books, paintings, sketches, letters and photographs.

Centro Historico - Mexico City

I love old buildings. Heritage architecture always fascinates me since I was little. There's something magical about old buildings. It's elegant, grande, mystical and mysterious. It hides a lot of secrets and talents of the architects. Nining and I went to Centro Historico yesterday but it was raining and we ended up freezing. So, today we decided to revisit the site once again. Thank God it's a sunny day. This is summer! This is more like it!

Centro Historico Mexico City started with a huge monument in the park, conjuncted to The Palace. It's really grande. Across the Palace the shopping arcade is standing all the way to the Cathedral Square. There are various stores there such as SEARS, ZARA, Bershka, The Body Shop and other branded stores. All the shops built in a heritage building, including the MacDonald's, KFC and Burger King. The streets made of paving blocks which gave the classic touch. There are several churches and museum.

All the way at the end of the street, the Cathedral Square is waiting. It's a huge arena surrounded by heritage buildings at its 4 corners. Three building complex are shopping arcades, another one is The National Palace and the other one is where the Cathedral is standing. On the side walk, people from the tribes in Mexico are having performances and selling souvenirs. They were wearing traditional clothes. Very interesting! Thanks to the sunny day, I could really enjoy the Centro Historico today. It was a great experience to be able to stand in such historical area.

International AIDS Conference

Instruction to read this post:
READ FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE POST!
Confusions caused by reading disorderly is not my responsibility!

Finally, I got the chance to go sightseeing. It was raining, though... but it didn't stop me from going, or taking pictures.

Mara was speaking at the session of "HIV and Mobility". She's great and I love her. She's a smart and easy going person. She's also a really good friend. I wish all the best for her always...

Speaking at the UNAIDS session on "HIV-related Travel Restrictions". I worked hard for my talking points, but at the end, I didn't even looked at my talking points and just say whatever I had in mind. I got interviewed by Radio Rumania right after I finished speaking. Sadly, no one from my country came to see me speaking here because they chose to go for a dinner at the Ambassador's house. I missed the dinner because of my commitment in this session. But, then again, I have no regrets! The session went well and I was told it was all over the evening news in all TV channels in Mexico. So, I guess it paid off the dinner in a much better way.

With Kelly [IHCW] and Serra [CHANGE] after speaking about PEPFAR at the Hot Topic Zone. It's good to see Kelly again. She was helping me with the media when I was in New York for the UN HLM.

Speaking about "Redefining AIDS in Asia - Women's Perspective" together with Jayanair. After the session, I was hungry and went to the cafeteria to get something to eat. Then, a man told me that he wants to take a picture of my T-Shirt. I was thinking it was my karma, because I've been taking pictures of people's statement T-Shirts. But then afterwards, he told me that he, and other 3 colleagues of him who sat at the table across mine, are working at Heineken. Bloody hell! Thank God they thought my T-Shirt was creative and innovative.

We went out together for dinner at a small classic diner. It was not very easy to choose what to eat because all the items in the menu were in Spanish and the waiters couldn't speak English. I never knew it would be a struggle to get our orders done. Hahaha...!

Malu and Brahm were speaking at the "Bridging Session" about travel restrictions and migration. The session was great and attended by numbers of people.

So, that massive white tent in the distance is The Global Village. That's where a lot of fun things happening. Sadly, this picture I took from right in front of the Session Room. Can you imagine how far it is? It's pretty far! And in this cool weather, you'd get a frozen lung when you reach the Global Village.

We missed the bus on the second day and just to find out that the shuttle bus has only 2 schedules in the morning: 5.30 AM and 7.15 AM. Bloody crazy committee! What about people who need only to go a bit later??? What's wrong with having the third schedule at 11 AM?

Catching up with friends on the first day of the conference. Also helping out the Asian Region's booth. Did an interview regarding migrants and HIV issues with a French journalist. Other than that, not much to do. The busy day is coming on the second and third day of the conference.

Bienvienido a la Mexico!

I was still sleepy when we finally landed at Mexico City. It was 7 in the morning and I felt like I hadn't enough sleep. Well, maybe I had, but just not a good one. Then again, the process of getting out of the airport was painful [especially for those who were still sleepy!]. We had to go back and forth from one end to another for THREE TIMES!!! Everything was unclear. And everytime we asked someone, they gave us different answer, which was VERY confusing!!! Well... we finally sort everything out and able to get out of the airport. I NEED TO SMOKE!!!!

The hotel was not bad, and not too far from the heart of the city. After freshing up a bit, we decided to explore the surrounding, find something to eat and try to find the shuttle's hub. We ended up drinking coffee at an old fashioned cafe nearby, named Cafe Grand Premiro. The atmosphere is so oldies, I felt like I was having a coffee during the colonial time. Hahaha! After that, we walked down toward Paseo de la Reforma, because I knew that one of the hub is there. The city was a bit quiet, the weather was cool, the wind was freezing. But I love it! I've been staying in the hot weather for quite a while, so, I really enjoy being in cool weather [despite the rain that come and go]. We got on to the shuttle at the Glorietta de Colon. It took us almost an hour to reach the conference center because the driver was a bit confused. Never mind.

We sorted our ID Card for the conference and got all the conference kit and the bag too. Nining was wearing a short, so, she was freezing cold! They said it's summer time... but it doesn't feel like summer at all! I felt it more like autumn already or even early spring. I'm glad I came here... =) I should've brought my leather jacket, though...! And my boots too... =(

About making an effort for IAC 2008

I knew from the start that this trip would be a long one. And as usual, before I go somewhere, something happened to the place I'm about to go. A typhoon had struck Mexico recently and I heard it's flooding. Well, never know what's real until you see it anyway! So, I chose not to worry about it. Afterall, this kind of thing happened too often to me, I got numb already =P

So, I managed to meet Nining at KLIA. We both managed to push her travel agent to put her on the same flight with me, so, she'd not be flying alone. Both of us were excited about going to Mexico, but also a bit worry about the long flight. Especially the 6-hour lay over in Los Angeles. What are we gonna do??? Six hours seems long, but it's not long enough to do a city tour or so. In fact, it's too long to sit around.

We had an amazing route for this trip: Kuala Lumpur - Taipei - Los Angeles - Mazatlan - Mexico City. And for Nining, it started from Jakarta, so her trip is even longer than mine! The transit in Taipei was not bad. They had a very nice smoking room in the airport, where we spent most of our transit time there. And then the long journey begun. Taipei - Los Angeles. It was a 12-hour flight. Geez... Thank God, I slept along the way and woke up only for meal! That trick does me just perfect!I had to skip all the favorite movies that shown in the in-flight entertainment and put on some music instead. I filled up my jukebox with songs from Moby, Ministry Sound of London and Retro Future. Those musics put me to sleep right away... Hahaha...!!!!

Arriving in Tom Bradley International Airport and getting out from there was quite painful. First, we had to go through the paranoid-USA-immigration officers. Second, we had to pick up our luggage and take them to the connecting flight drop in area. Third, we had to check in and get our boarding pass to Mexico City. Fourth, we had to put up the 6-hour lay over at the airport with absolutely boring duty free shops and almost nothing to explore. Fifth, after our boarding time has come, we had to take off everything for security check and the queue was crazy. Sixth, we had to put up with very mean ground crew of Mexicana Airlines who didn't even bother to tell us that we were at the wrong side of the airport. Seventh, we were very pissed when we find out that it wasn't a direct flight from LA to Mexico City, as we've been told at the ticketing counter. Eighth, we had to get off the plane in Mazatlan just to go through immigration counter. Ninth, we had a dreadful flight almost half way from LA to Mazatlan and from Mazatlan to Mexico City. Tenth, we had to bear with a bad landing twice [in Mazatlan and Mexico City].

Englishman in New York

No. I'm not an Englishman [apparently I'm also a woman!], but I have felt that "Englishman in New York" syndrome lately. I was having a bad day yesterday. After a nice long weekend, I was so ready to go back to work again. And in fact, I missed my office so bad. I couldn't wait to start working again. But what I got was a bunch of disappointment. I found that I had to finalize many things that should've been done by other people that I paid. I ended up cleaning up all the mess and found myself competing with time. Not to mention the internet connection problems that we had. It was awful!

I just don't understand why people like to work at the very last minutes and disregard the possibilities to prepare everything in advance. I always try to be organized for every single thing that I do, and I couldn't help feeling upset when others couldn't. But alas, I was the one being out casted. Just because I do thing differently. Out casted, just like an Englishman in New York. DAMN!

L.O.V.E

Life is indeed a learning process for me [and for everyone]. Living alone in a strange land had opened my mind wider. Interacting with many people from different country with different cultural background and language also made me realize that I knew nothing...

The world had given me new perception about L.O.V.E

It used to be a very private word between me and my partner, or me and my daughter, or me and my parents, or me and my family... I never said "I Love you" to people who are not my family or my partner. But the world had taught me new things. That LOVE is not something private. That word belongs to every soul in this world. Every single soul living on earth has the right to say and heard the word of LOVE. No matter who they are...

Saying "I love you" does not necessarily mean that you're in love with the person. It is more... it is the way you express yourself in appreciating people's existence around you. To appreciate what they have done for you, their loyalty, their faith in you, their trust, their companion, their support.

I used to feel guilty when I said "I love you" to my friends. I used to be afraid that people would misunderstood the meaning of the line that I've said. But as I grow older, I realize that we should be more open-minded in interpreting. I will not be afraid to say "I love you" anymore. Especially to my friends...

I’m just an ordinary woman

Standing at the edge of this world

Try to conquer it with my fragile bare hands…

Thank you for witnessing

Thank you for watching

Thank you for supporting

Thank you for being there in spirit

Thank you for having the faith

Thank you for trusting

Thank you for the freedom

Thank you for believing

Thank you for staying

[to all of my best friends around the world, who never leave my side, no matter what...]

It’s another day in New York

Sunday, 8 June 2008

I got up with a very sick feeling. I threw up the whole morning and had to come late to the meeting. I managed to text Vince, told him that I was going to be late. Well, the news traveled fast, because when I got to the meeting room, almost everyone was asking me if I was okay. I found out later on that it wasn’t only me. I knew that Alex had upset stomach yesterday and Sylvia had to go back early because she was also sick. And then she told me that Dennis was also feeling sick. I think it was the food.

So, today we had the orientation about public speaking, meeting situation and registration. All the speakers had the privilege to skip the line. Hahaha! But I got my own personal assistant to help me too! We were having the session to clean up and finish our speech. I got Vince and Jeff helping me out for the final draft. I was very happy with the result of my speech. It came out great! Thanks to Vince and Jeff, of course!

It's just another day in New York

Once upon a time in Manhattan

“Start spreading the news,

I’m leaving today…

I want to be the part of it…

New York, New York…”

[Frank Sinatra]

Thursday, 5 June 2008

So, after a 19 hours flight, which was 11 hours and 50 minutes from KL to Stockholm, 1 hour transit in Stockholm without cigarettes, and then another 7 hours and 30 minutes from Stockholm to New York, I finally made it to New York… yaayyyy!!! The best thing about it is I’m staying in Manhattan. It’s a bit scary because deep down inside, since a long time a go, I always thought, if one day I got the chance to go to America, I really want to see Manhattan. And now, suddenly I’m here! I can even see the Empire State Building from my window. I’m happy, but at the same time I’m a bit scared too! Scared because it comes true eventually! Never crossed my mind before. Another thing that scares me is I wished that I could feel cool weather once again. It’s been a while since the last time I had cool breeze on my skin. And now… New York is 13 – 18 degree!!! It’s windy and cool. Very cool! But about Manhattan, I guess it looks better from across the area, especially when it’s getting dark and the lights are on. So beautiful! I saw it on my way from the airport. But since I’m staying in the area, I cannot have that vision every day. Too bad…

Pennsylvania Hotel, where I stay for the first couple of days, is located on the Seventh Avenue, right across the Madison Square Garden. Surrounded by amenities, I can find whatever I need here. Except for electricity converter! I find it difficult to charge my camera batteries. I guess I have to survive with my phone camera later on.

It’s good that I didn’t suffer from the jet lag. I think it’s because I slept along the way, I only woke up for meals. That’s it! I guess that helps me a lot. So, the weather is REALLY cool here, but people said that there’s going to be a heat wave in a couple of days. So, it’s going to be really hot later on. I don’t care! I got my cool weather already and I’m happy enough!

Friday, 6 June 2008

We were having a speaker’s orientation at the UNICEF building. I was so happy to see Alex coming. Finally he made it! After all the hustle and visa problems, he got a 10-year visa. Good for him! He just arrived in the morning and went straight to the meeting. Suffering from jet lag, he was very quiet compared to the last time we met. He got his passport back from the embassy in the afternoon and he flew here at 10 PM! My goodness! I’m really happy that he made it!

The sessions were okay and we had a group breakout after lunch to discuss about the HIV issues. My group was taking place outside because most of the members were smokers. We were freezing, though. Sylvia was the only one who enjoyed the weather because in Netherlands was cooler. My God! After 3 PM I don’t think anyone was quite focused anymore, but we forced ourselves to contribute anyway.

We went back to the hotel at around 5.30 PM. It was sunny as it was morning. So nice and warmer but yet the wind was still cold. After took a short break in the room, I went out to take a walk and bought some things. I forgot my shampoo, so I went to the pharmacy nearby to buy one. I wandered around the blocks and enjoyed the city before dark. It’s really crowded. A lot of people were walking. Too bad I was alone…. But as always, I enjoyed solitude and loneliness at most when I’m in strange land. Somehow, it’s nice to be alone, even though it would be nicer to have someone right next to me.

After walk around for some times, I felt a bit tired and decided to go back to the hotel. At 10 PM Alex called to my room. He just woke up and felt hungry. So, we went out together to have dinner at the nearest MacDonalds. Hahaha! After a while, I started to feel sleepy, so we decided to go back to the hotel and check our email before go to our rooms.

Funny how I still find the beauty of loneliness after quite a while suffering from loneliness itself. I guess I’m getting used to my old life [alone, lonely in solitude and solitary]. I still found it enjoyable to feel lonely in the crowd. Maybe basically I’m a real solitaire. Maybe loneliness IS my best friend after all, although something inside me was aching when I saw a couple kissing by the sidewalk. Something was stabbing me so deep. That was a good strike. I felt the chill in my chest as if my soul was frozen. I realized, I WAS lonely….

I love the feel of your name on my lips

I love the sound of your sweet gentle kiss

The way that your fingers run through my hair

And how your scent lingers even when you’re not here

I love the way your eyes danced when you laughed

How you enjoy your 2-hour bath

And how you convinced me to dance in the rain

Everyone’s watching like we were insane

But I love the way you love me, baby…

Strong and wild,

Slow and easy,

Hard and soft,

So completely,

I love the way love me…

[when walking along the Seventh Avenue in a windy day…]

Saturday, 7 June 2008

I slept at 3.30 AM this morning, trying to get an internet connection. It was darn disturbing and I couldn’t get through! Well, today I’ll move to another hotel and I heard they have free internet connection there.

Today was warm. So, apparently the heat-wave has reached New York today. It’s better. As long as it’s not getting hotter! But still… the air-con in the basement of UNICEF building is VERY cold!!! I got brain-freeze and couldn’t really think. I had to sneak out to have cigarette in the sun. The person from UNAIDS had a loooooong presentation. UN people always have long presentation. It’s never short and concise. I hate it! Today is a very long day. I am so exhausted! People were debating endlessly. I bet it was going to be a never ending discussion if Winnie didn’t interrupt. Everybody was so pedantic! And yet, we were all tired! The last hour, I just wanted to go.

So, today we had to move to another hotel called Red Roof Inn. Alex, Caitlin and I shared a taxi from the UNICEF building. We had to pick up our luggage from the Pennsylvania Hotel first. After we collected our luggage, Caitlin, Alex and I decided to walk to Red Roof Inn. It’s not that far…

So, the hotel is a bit far from the Madison Square Garden, but closer to the park. Hmmm….!!! It’s smaller than the first one, but has way much better facility. Flat screen TV and free internet connection in the room. THANK GOD…!!!!!! That’s just perfect! And most of all, the staff are nicer than Pennsylvania Hotel.

My Wish List

What I want to do:

1. Go on a nice vacation [beach or mountain]
2. Sitting up on a hill and watch the sun goes down
3. Waiting for sunset on the beach
4. Watching the rainfalls in the forest
5. Go camping and mountain hiking
6. Wandering around in a meadow
7. See the sun goes down from the top of a building and wait until the city lights are on
9. Long distance driving

Places I want to go:
1. Nepal
2. France
3. Italy
4. Russia
5. Finland
6. Burma
7. Korea
8. Japan
9. Venezuela
10. Ireland
11. Poland
12. Netherlands
13. Switzerland
14. Spain
15. Brazil
16. Rome
17. Thailand [Krabi]
18. anywhere in this world that has heritage buildings...

So simple, yet so hard to get...

Lately, I found myself thinking about a lot of things that happened in my life.
Thinking about what happened to me, I feel so blessed in all ways. And yet I have so little time to do more in my life. I don't even have an opportunity to go on a nice vacation.

All this time, I often thought about complicated things that I want to do to fulfill my life. But just a few days a go, I realized that I want some simple things. Sometimes we think too much about many things in our lives and we forgot that simplicity is more precious.

The funny thing is, I almost always get the chance to do a lot of big and complicated things, but it is so hard for me to do simple things. Even just to sit up on a hill and watch the sun goes down...

A chat with an old friend

This morning I chatted with one of my old friend. he's also an NGO worker. We've chatted since 2005 or so. I was always thought his work was envious. But he also always told me that one day, I will become like him. Even better or more. Chatting with him has always been full of nostalgic conversations and meaningful.

We came from 2 different background of works. It's just so unbelievable that finally we've crossed the same path and do similar works. We used to talk about different things. I talked about things he didn't understand, and he talked about things I was totally clueless. Now, we can discuss the same issue. How wonderful is that...

The good thing about him is that he's always remind me of how I was [back in the private sector] and recognized my achievements. He's the only person who didn't call me "crazy" when I decided to leave the private sector and start working in NGO. He always been very supportive and had faith in me that I would be the best of myself.

Tim Apriyanto : hello...
Ratri : hey mas... [hi, brother...]
Tim Apriyanto : piye kabare dik? [how are you, sister?]
Ratri : apik mas.... [I'm fine, brother]
Ratri : lusa berangkat [I'm going the day after tomorrow]
Tim Apriyanto : wah....half day dong sekarang.. [so, are you taking a half-day work today?]
Ratri : nggak laaah.... ngapain pake half day segala? malah banyak yang harus dikejar sebelum berangkat [no way... why should I take a half-day work? I have so many things to finish before I fly]
Tim Apriyanto : ....foto-foto yang banyak ya,,,, [take loads of pictures...]
Ratri : hehehe... pastinya!!!! [of course...!!!]
Tim Apriyanto : ..kamu kan hobi foto ... [you really love taking pictures, don't you?]
Ratri : untung ada hari yang agak kosong nanti... tgl 8 sama 11, jadi bisa jalan2 [Thank God there will be a free time on the 8th ad 11th, so I will be able to go around]
Tim Apriyanto : ....ke sitenya ...twin tower kali ya..? [maybe you can go to the Twin Tower's site]
Ratri : iya... katanya nggak jauh, tapi hotelku deket banget sama empire state bulding dan madison square [yeah... I was told it's not too far, but my hotel is quite near to Empire State Building and Madison Square]
Tim Apriyanto : ....woooowwwwww...
Tim Apriyanto : ...dulu mimpiiii ....aja ke sana ya .. [back then, it was only a wild dream to go there, right...?]
Tim Apriyanto : sekarang ...bener-bener kenyataan... [now... it's coming true...]
Ratri : iyaaaaaaaaaa
Ratri : senangnyaaaaaaa [sooooo happy...!]
Tim Apriyanto : .....eh...Ra...beda..banget..ya ... [Hey, Ra.... it's so different, right?]
Tim Apriyanto : ...kamu kerja di Hotel dulu ... [you were working in the hotel back then...]
Tim Apriyanto : ...bertahun-tahun....sulit ...jalan-jalan [for so many years... so hard to travel around]
Ratri : embwerrr [you're right!!!]
Ratri : tapi party terus... itu bedanya [but I went to a lot of parties]
Ratri : tapi lama2 capek juga party2,gathering2 [until I fed up and had enough with parties and gatherings]
Tim Apriyanto : ....dan ....it's just not more than three years ... [and... it's just less than 3 years...]
Tim Apriyanto : ...you've made it ...
Tim Apriyanto : ...you got ...almost everything you dream about before...
Ratri : i know...
Ratri : tinggal europe dan amerika latin [just Europe and Latin America]
Ratri : amerika latin udah hampir.... agustus aku ke mexico [but Latin America is almost... I'm going to Mexico in August]
Tim Apriyanto : ...tinggal satu ra....yang belum ... [only one left, Ra... that you haven't have...]
Ratri : apaan? truck double cabin? [what is it? a double-cabin truck?]
Tim Apriyanto : ...yap.....double cabin ...as you love it very much b4
Ratri : yeah... on step at a time....
Ratri : God is trying to show me the world first...
Ratri : after i see everything, then i will have my time to get the truck
Tim Apriyanto : ....believe in your in mind ...because you are actually what you think ...
Ratri : i know...
Ratri : have you read "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho?
Tim Apriyanto : ...ehmmmm...not really...
Tim Apriyanto : ...not yet...
Ratri : it is said there... "when you want something, the whole world will conspire to help you realize your dreams"
Ratri : it is in our mind...
Ratri : we control our goals through our mind...
Tim Apriyanto : ..I've heard about it ...