Englishman in New York

No. I'm not an Englishman [apparently I'm also a woman!], but I have felt that "Englishman in New York" syndrome lately. I was having a bad day yesterday. After a nice long weekend, I was so ready to go back to work again. And in fact, I missed my office so bad. I couldn't wait to start working again. But what I got was a bunch of disappointment. I found that I had to finalize many things that should've been done by other people that I paid. I ended up cleaning up all the mess and found myself competing with time. Not to mention the internet connection problems that we had. It was awful!

I just don't understand why people like to work at the very last minutes and disregard the possibilities to prepare everything in advance. I always try to be organized for every single thing that I do, and I couldn't help feeling upset when others couldn't. But alas, I was the one being out casted. Just because I do thing differently. Out casted, just like an Englishman in New York. DAMN!

L.O.V.E

Life is indeed a learning process for me [and for everyone]. Living alone in a strange land had opened my mind wider. Interacting with many people from different country with different cultural background and language also made me realize that I knew nothing...

The world had given me new perception about L.O.V.E

It used to be a very private word between me and my partner, or me and my daughter, or me and my parents, or me and my family... I never said "I Love you" to people who are not my family or my partner. But the world had taught me new things. That LOVE is not something private. That word belongs to every soul in this world. Every single soul living on earth has the right to say and heard the word of LOVE. No matter who they are...

Saying "I love you" does not necessarily mean that you're in love with the person. It is more... it is the way you express yourself in appreciating people's existence around you. To appreciate what they have done for you, their loyalty, their faith in you, their trust, their companion, their support.

I used to feel guilty when I said "I love you" to my friends. I used to be afraid that people would misunderstood the meaning of the line that I've said. But as I grow older, I realize that we should be more open-minded in interpreting. I will not be afraid to say "I love you" anymore. Especially to my friends...

I’m just an ordinary woman

Standing at the edge of this world

Try to conquer it with my fragile bare hands…

Thank you for witnessing

Thank you for watching

Thank you for supporting

Thank you for being there in spirit

Thank you for having the faith

Thank you for trusting

Thank you for the freedom

Thank you for believing

Thank you for staying

[to all of my best friends around the world, who never leave my side, no matter what...]

It’s another day in New York

Sunday, 8 June 2008

I got up with a very sick feeling. I threw up the whole morning and had to come late to the meeting. I managed to text Vince, told him that I was going to be late. Well, the news traveled fast, because when I got to the meeting room, almost everyone was asking me if I was okay. I found out later on that it wasn’t only me. I knew that Alex had upset stomach yesterday and Sylvia had to go back early because she was also sick. And then she told me that Dennis was also feeling sick. I think it was the food.

So, today we had the orientation about public speaking, meeting situation and registration. All the speakers had the privilege to skip the line. Hahaha! But I got my own personal assistant to help me too! We were having the session to clean up and finish our speech. I got Vince and Jeff helping me out for the final draft. I was very happy with the result of my speech. It came out great! Thanks to Vince and Jeff, of course!

It's just another day in New York

Once upon a time in Manhattan

“Start spreading the news,

I’m leaving today…

I want to be the part of it…

New York, New York…”

[Frank Sinatra]

Thursday, 5 June 2008

So, after a 19 hours flight, which was 11 hours and 50 minutes from KL to Stockholm, 1 hour transit in Stockholm without cigarettes, and then another 7 hours and 30 minutes from Stockholm to New York, I finally made it to New York… yaayyyy!!! The best thing about it is I’m staying in Manhattan. It’s a bit scary because deep down inside, since a long time a go, I always thought, if one day I got the chance to go to America, I really want to see Manhattan. And now, suddenly I’m here! I can even see the Empire State Building from my window. I’m happy, but at the same time I’m a bit scared too! Scared because it comes true eventually! Never crossed my mind before. Another thing that scares me is I wished that I could feel cool weather once again. It’s been a while since the last time I had cool breeze on my skin. And now… New York is 13 – 18 degree!!! It’s windy and cool. Very cool! But about Manhattan, I guess it looks better from across the area, especially when it’s getting dark and the lights are on. So beautiful! I saw it on my way from the airport. But since I’m staying in the area, I cannot have that vision every day. Too bad…

Pennsylvania Hotel, where I stay for the first couple of days, is located on the Seventh Avenue, right across the Madison Square Garden. Surrounded by amenities, I can find whatever I need here. Except for electricity converter! I find it difficult to charge my camera batteries. I guess I have to survive with my phone camera later on.

It’s good that I didn’t suffer from the jet lag. I think it’s because I slept along the way, I only woke up for meals. That’s it! I guess that helps me a lot. So, the weather is REALLY cool here, but people said that there’s going to be a heat wave in a couple of days. So, it’s going to be really hot later on. I don’t care! I got my cool weather already and I’m happy enough!

Friday, 6 June 2008

We were having a speaker’s orientation at the UNICEF building. I was so happy to see Alex coming. Finally he made it! After all the hustle and visa problems, he got a 10-year visa. Good for him! He just arrived in the morning and went straight to the meeting. Suffering from jet lag, he was very quiet compared to the last time we met. He got his passport back from the embassy in the afternoon and he flew here at 10 PM! My goodness! I’m really happy that he made it!

The sessions were okay and we had a group breakout after lunch to discuss about the HIV issues. My group was taking place outside because most of the members were smokers. We were freezing, though. Sylvia was the only one who enjoyed the weather because in Netherlands was cooler. My God! After 3 PM I don’t think anyone was quite focused anymore, but we forced ourselves to contribute anyway.

We went back to the hotel at around 5.30 PM. It was sunny as it was morning. So nice and warmer but yet the wind was still cold. After took a short break in the room, I went out to take a walk and bought some things. I forgot my shampoo, so I went to the pharmacy nearby to buy one. I wandered around the blocks and enjoyed the city before dark. It’s really crowded. A lot of people were walking. Too bad I was alone…. But as always, I enjoyed solitude and loneliness at most when I’m in strange land. Somehow, it’s nice to be alone, even though it would be nicer to have someone right next to me.

After walk around for some times, I felt a bit tired and decided to go back to the hotel. At 10 PM Alex called to my room. He just woke up and felt hungry. So, we went out together to have dinner at the nearest MacDonalds. Hahaha! After a while, I started to feel sleepy, so we decided to go back to the hotel and check our email before go to our rooms.

Funny how I still find the beauty of loneliness after quite a while suffering from loneliness itself. I guess I’m getting used to my old life [alone, lonely in solitude and solitary]. I still found it enjoyable to feel lonely in the crowd. Maybe basically I’m a real solitaire. Maybe loneliness IS my best friend after all, although something inside me was aching when I saw a couple kissing by the sidewalk. Something was stabbing me so deep. That was a good strike. I felt the chill in my chest as if my soul was frozen. I realized, I WAS lonely….

I love the feel of your name on my lips

I love the sound of your sweet gentle kiss

The way that your fingers run through my hair

And how your scent lingers even when you’re not here

I love the way your eyes danced when you laughed

How you enjoy your 2-hour bath

And how you convinced me to dance in the rain

Everyone’s watching like we were insane

But I love the way you love me, baby…

Strong and wild,

Slow and easy,

Hard and soft,

So completely,

I love the way love me…

[when walking along the Seventh Avenue in a windy day…]

Saturday, 7 June 2008

I slept at 3.30 AM this morning, trying to get an internet connection. It was darn disturbing and I couldn’t get through! Well, today I’ll move to another hotel and I heard they have free internet connection there.

Today was warm. So, apparently the heat-wave has reached New York today. It’s better. As long as it’s not getting hotter! But still… the air-con in the basement of UNICEF building is VERY cold!!! I got brain-freeze and couldn’t really think. I had to sneak out to have cigarette in the sun. The person from UNAIDS had a loooooong presentation. UN people always have long presentation. It’s never short and concise. I hate it! Today is a very long day. I am so exhausted! People were debating endlessly. I bet it was going to be a never ending discussion if Winnie didn’t interrupt. Everybody was so pedantic! And yet, we were all tired! The last hour, I just wanted to go.

So, today we had to move to another hotel called Red Roof Inn. Alex, Caitlin and I shared a taxi from the UNICEF building. We had to pick up our luggage from the Pennsylvania Hotel first. After we collected our luggage, Caitlin, Alex and I decided to walk to Red Roof Inn. It’s not that far…

So, the hotel is a bit far from the Madison Square Garden, but closer to the park. Hmmm….!!! It’s smaller than the first one, but has way much better facility. Flat screen TV and free internet connection in the room. THANK GOD…!!!!!! That’s just perfect! And most of all, the staff are nicer than Pennsylvania Hotel.

My Wish List

What I want to do:

1. Go on a nice vacation [beach or mountain]
2. Sitting up on a hill and watch the sun goes down
3. Waiting for sunset on the beach
4. Watching the rainfalls in the forest
5. Go camping and mountain hiking
6. Wandering around in a meadow
7. See the sun goes down from the top of a building and wait until the city lights are on
9. Long distance driving

Places I want to go:
1. Nepal
2. France
3. Italy
4. Russia
5. Finland
6. Burma
7. Korea
8. Japan
9. Venezuela
10. Ireland
11. Poland
12. Netherlands
13. Switzerland
14. Spain
15. Brazil
16. Rome
17. Thailand [Krabi]
18. anywhere in this world that has heritage buildings...

So simple, yet so hard to get...

Lately, I found myself thinking about a lot of things that happened in my life.
Thinking about what happened to me, I feel so blessed in all ways. And yet I have so little time to do more in my life. I don't even have an opportunity to go on a nice vacation.

All this time, I often thought about complicated things that I want to do to fulfill my life. But just a few days a go, I realized that I want some simple things. Sometimes we think too much about many things in our lives and we forgot that simplicity is more precious.

The funny thing is, I almost always get the chance to do a lot of big and complicated things, but it is so hard for me to do simple things. Even just to sit up on a hill and watch the sun goes down...

A chat with an old friend

This morning I chatted with one of my old friend. he's also an NGO worker. We've chatted since 2005 or so. I was always thought his work was envious. But he also always told me that one day, I will become like him. Even better or more. Chatting with him has always been full of nostalgic conversations and meaningful.

We came from 2 different background of works. It's just so unbelievable that finally we've crossed the same path and do similar works. We used to talk about different things. I talked about things he didn't understand, and he talked about things I was totally clueless. Now, we can discuss the same issue. How wonderful is that...

The good thing about him is that he's always remind me of how I was [back in the private sector] and recognized my achievements. He's the only person who didn't call me "crazy" when I decided to leave the private sector and start working in NGO. He always been very supportive and had faith in me that I would be the best of myself.

Tim Apriyanto : hello...
Ratri : hey mas... [hi, brother...]
Tim Apriyanto : piye kabare dik? [how are you, sister?]
Ratri : apik mas.... [I'm fine, brother]
Ratri : lusa berangkat [I'm going the day after tomorrow]
Tim Apriyanto : wah....half day dong sekarang.. [so, are you taking a half-day work today?]
Ratri : nggak laaah.... ngapain pake half day segala? malah banyak yang harus dikejar sebelum berangkat [no way... why should I take a half-day work? I have so many things to finish before I fly]
Tim Apriyanto : ....foto-foto yang banyak ya,,,, [take loads of pictures...]
Ratri : hehehe... pastinya!!!! [of course...!!!]
Tim Apriyanto : ..kamu kan hobi foto ... [you really love taking pictures, don't you?]
Ratri : untung ada hari yang agak kosong nanti... tgl 8 sama 11, jadi bisa jalan2 [Thank God there will be a free time on the 8th ad 11th, so I will be able to go around]
Tim Apriyanto : ....ke sitenya ...twin tower kali ya..? [maybe you can go to the Twin Tower's site]
Ratri : iya... katanya nggak jauh, tapi hotelku deket banget sama empire state bulding dan madison square [yeah... I was told it's not too far, but my hotel is quite near to Empire State Building and Madison Square]
Tim Apriyanto : ....woooowwwwww...
Tim Apriyanto : ...dulu mimpiiii ....aja ke sana ya .. [back then, it was only a wild dream to go there, right...?]
Tim Apriyanto : sekarang ...bener-bener kenyataan... [now... it's coming true...]
Ratri : iyaaaaaaaaaa
Ratri : senangnyaaaaaaa [sooooo happy...!]
Tim Apriyanto : .....eh...Ra...beda..banget..ya ... [Hey, Ra.... it's so different, right?]
Tim Apriyanto : ...kamu kerja di Hotel dulu ... [you were working in the hotel back then...]
Tim Apriyanto : ...bertahun-tahun....sulit ...jalan-jalan [for so many years... so hard to travel around]
Ratri : embwerrr [you're right!!!]
Ratri : tapi party terus... itu bedanya [but I went to a lot of parties]
Ratri : tapi lama2 capek juga party2,gathering2 [until I fed up and had enough with parties and gatherings]
Tim Apriyanto : ....dan ....it's just not more than three years ... [and... it's just less than 3 years...]
Tim Apriyanto : ...you've made it ...
Tim Apriyanto : ...you got ...almost everything you dream about before...
Ratri : i know...
Ratri : tinggal europe dan amerika latin [just Europe and Latin America]
Ratri : amerika latin udah hampir.... agustus aku ke mexico [but Latin America is almost... I'm going to Mexico in August]
Tim Apriyanto : ...tinggal satu ra....yang belum ... [only one left, Ra... that you haven't have...]
Ratri : apaan? truck double cabin? [what is it? a double-cabin truck?]
Tim Apriyanto : ...yap.....double cabin ...as you love it very much b4
Ratri : yeah... on step at a time....
Ratri : God is trying to show me the world first...
Ratri : after i see everything, then i will have my time to get the truck
Tim Apriyanto : ....believe in your in mind ...because you are actually what you think ...
Ratri : i know...
Ratri : have you read "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho?
Tim Apriyanto : ...ehmmmm...not really...
Tim Apriyanto : ...not yet...
Ratri : it is said there... "when you want something, the whole world will conspire to help you realize your dreams"
Ratri : it is in our mind...
Ratri : we control our goals through our mind...
Tim Apriyanto : ..I've heard about it ...