Resensi buku – When Broken Glass Floats

At one evening in Pnom Penh, Cambodia, I was about to have dinner with my friend in a café by the Mekong river. Then, this young boy of 13 was approaching us. He sells books. And he was not the only one. There were lots of kids selling books there. He was very insisting in selling his books and he said it’s for his school tuition money. So, I decided to buy a book from him. He was recommending it. The book titled “When Broken Glass Floats – growing up under the Khmer Rouge” by Chanrithy Him. The author is a Cambodian. I took a glimpse look on the back cover [although I never trust any comments written at the back cover of a book!] before I paid him US$ 3. At that time, I only want to get rid of him as I was having a discussion with my friend. But 2 weeks later, I changed my mind…

It was indeed a good book. I’m glad he recommended that book to me. The story was very touching. It’s merely an autobiography. Chanrithy was a girl of 9 who had to suffer the hard times the Khmer Rouge gave. She and her family had to suddenly change their life from a settle situation under Norodom Sihanouk to a hell created by Angka Leu [Khmer Rouge].

I’ve heard stories about Khmer Rouge when I was little. It was on TV. The invasion and the war between Vietnam – Cambodia and Cambodia – Thailand. But this book had given me a different point of view. It’s a survival story of a child and a family. Khmer Rouge had put Cambodia in hell and Chanrithy gave a clear view through her words about what’s happening at that time. How people scattered and separated from the family. How people died of edema, dysentery and mishandling. How her mother was thrown alive into a well of dead. How her father was told to go to an orientation but in fact he was executed. How her sister and brothers died slowly because of curable illness which become deadly. How the labor camp had forced children to work on adult’s work with so little food. How the Khmer Rouge had manipulated everyone and executed them at the end of the day. How they caught in the middle of war between Vietnam and Cambodia, and then another war between Thailand and Cambodia. How siblings must survive after their parents was executed. Most of all is how they survived and keep the remaining family together during the 7 years of Khmer Rouge rules.

All the things she wrote are beyond my imagination. The way she wrote is making me able to see the killing fields and all the situations of the camps. I got carried away so much with the story. I couldn’t let the book go even for a minute! When I reached the part where the remaining of the family was being rescued and sent to a refugee camp in Philippines, I was so relief. And I even get happier when I reached the part that Chanrithy and her remaining family flew to America under the sponsor of her runaway uncle. It was a happy ending after all. She redeemed her lost life in Oregon, America and working for Khmer Adolescent Project to study the post-traumatic stress disorder among Cambodians.

This book is about love, care, suffer, sadness, happiness in the sadness, longing, patience, pain, survival, trust, faith, belief, hope, culture, being strong, courage, positive thinking, playing smart, creativity, being grateful, faithfulness, despair and lost… a great lost for sure. Surprisingly, never even once I sense something about hatred in this book.

When I finish reading it, I felt so glad that I bought the book at the first place. It wasn’t for good reason at first, but good things are coming out of nowhere, out of anything. In this case, out of this US$ 3 book. I feel a little bit guilty for the little boy who sold the book to me. I was underestimating his recommendation at first. But now, I will recommend this book to other people. If it wasn’t for him, I would never had this great book with me.

“When Broken Glass Floats – growing up under the Khmer Rouge” by Chanrithy Him, published by WW Norton and Company - New York

Buruh migran – Pahlawan Devisa tapi nelangsa...

Saya sudah sering mendengar cerita sukses maupun cerita menyedihkan dari buruh migran, terutama buruh migran Indonesia. Tapi baru sekarang saya benar-benar berinteraksi dengan mereka. Ini dijembatani oleh pekerjaan saya yang baru. Saya memegang divisi pemberdayaan buruh migran yang positif mengidap HIV beserta pasangannya. Sejak bulan Oktober saya banyak bertemu dan berbagi cerita dengan buruh migran dari berbagai negara. Tak banyak perbedaan yang saya dapati dari cerita buruh migran tersebut. Walaupun berasal dari berbagai Negara yang berbeda, kisah sedih yang saya dengar tetap sama. Kekerasan, pelanggaran HAM, pelecehan seksual, perkosaan, bekerja dengan waktu yang panjang dan tanpa hari libur, kesulitan mengakses layanan kesehatan, menjadi korban trafficking, tertipu, tidak mendapatkan upah yang sesuai [bahkan seringkali tidak diberi upah sama sekali], menjalani tes HIV mandatory tanpa konseling sampai akhirnya dideportasi karena berstatus HIV.

Begitu banyaknya kisah sedih yang terjadi di Negara penerima. Sebagai pendatang, kadang mereka tidak sadar bahwa kehadiran mereka sebenarnya menyandang status tidak legal atau tidak terdokumentasi. Begitu banyaknya cerita tentang pelanggaran HAM dan pemerasan yang saya dengar terjadi di Negara penerima. Betapa semua mengeluhkan hal yang sama. Pada satu kesempatan di Manila, saya mengobrol panjang lebar dengan salah satu peserta pelatihan pemberdayaan yang merupakan mantan buruh migran dari Indonesia. Nina namanya [disamarkan]. Dari Nina saya mengetahui proses perekrutan buruh migran yang terjadi di Indonesia. Sebuah proses panjang dengan segudang pungli dan hutang-piutang.

Nina mendapatkan informasi tentang pekerjaan sebagai pembantu di Saudi Arabia dari salah seorang pencari sumber daya yang mereka sebut “sponsor”. Sang sponsor ini tugasnya mencari orang-orang, terutama perempuan, yang mau bekerja di luar negeri sebagai pembantu. Dia masuk ke pelosok desa di seputar Jawa Barat, termasuk tempat Nina tinggal. Nina yang melihat beberapa temannya kembali dari Arab dalam keadaan “kaya”, tergiur untuk mengikuti jejak teman sekampungnya. Setelah berunding dan berhasil meyakinkan ibunya, Nina lalu setuju untuk pergi bekerja di Arab. Untuk itu, Nina harus membayar sejumlah uang kepada sponsornya. Jumlah yang cukup besar sehingga Nina terpaksa harus menggadaikan sawah keluarganya. Pikirnya, toh nanti semua itu akan terbayar juga dengan gajinya.

Setelah proses pembayaran selesai, Nina dan beberapa orang perempuan lainnya dibawa sang sponsor ke Jakarta untuk diberikan pelatihan. Mereka ditampung di tempat yang mereka sebut “PT” [PJTKI]. Alih-alih diberi pembekalan dan pelatihan, Nina dan puluhan perempuan lainnya hanya disuruh menunggu pemberangkatan. Pada saat menunggu, Nina menjalani tes kesehatan. Pada saat itu dia diberitahu bahwa hasil tesnya ‘unfit’. Tidak dijelaskan apa maksud dan definisi dari ‘unfit’ tersebut. Nina hanya diberitahu bahwa dia tidak bisa segera berangkat dan harus menjalani tes kesehatan ulang 2 minggu ke depannya. Logikanya, jika memang ‘unfit’ adalah istilah yang dipakai untuk menyatakan bahwa seseorang sedang dalam keadaan kurang sehat, seharusnya orang tersebut diberikan vitamin atau suplemen pada saat tenggang waktu 2 minggu agar hasil tes ulangnya menjadi ‘fit’. Namun Nina tidak pernah mendapatkan vitamin ataupun suplemen apa-apa.

Setelah menunggu 2 minggu, Nina kembali menjalani tes. Hasilnya masih tetap sama. Beberapa orang menyarankan Nina untuk kembali ke kampung halamannya, daripada menunggu tanpa kepastian. Namun tekad Nina sudah bulat. Dia tak mau kembali dengan tangan kosong. Maka Nina pun memutuskan untuk menunggu hingga 4 bulan lamanya. Selama menunggu waktu keberangkatannya, Nina seringkali harus membeli sendiri makanan sehari-harinya. Nina membeli lewat celah pagar, dia tak bisa keluar karena pintu pagar selalu dalam keadaan terkunci. Persis seperti di penjara. Sebenarnya pihak PT memberi jatah makan, namun jatah yang diberikan sama sekali tidak memadai.

Setelah 4 bulan menunggu, akhirnya Nina mendapatkan kabar bahwa dia akan segera diberangkatkan ke Dammam. Untuk itu, Nina harus membuat paspor dan mengurus visa. Pihak PT mengatakan padanya bahwa mereka akan mengurus pembuatan paspor dan visa untuk Nina. Nina kemudian disodori kontrak untuk ditandatangani. Isi kontrak tersebut menyatakan bahwa Nina akan bekerja sebagai pembantu selama 2 tahun. Pihak PT akan mengambil gaji Nina untuk 3 bulan pertama sebagai pengganti masa tinggal Nina di PT dan biaya tes kesehatan ulang yang dijalani Nina sebanyak 3 kali. Di dalam kontrak, Nina melihat jumlah gaji yang dijanjikan cukup besar. Hatinya pun girang. Kewajiban memberikan gaji pada 3 bulan pertama tidak dirasakan sebagai sebuah paksaan karena toh dari sisanya nanti dia masih punya banyak uang.

Akhirnya hari yang ditunggu-tunggu pun tiba. Nina dan beberapa orang temannya bersiap berangkat diiringi doa dari teman-teman lain yang masih tertinggal di PT. Nina mantap menjalani pekerjaannya. Sudah terbayang di benaknya dia akan kembali dengan sejumlah uang untuk mengganti sawah keluarganya yang tergadai, memperbaiki rumahnya di kampung, membelikan perhiasan emas untuk ibunya. Nina berangkat dengan senyum terukir di wajahnya.

Tiba di Dammam, Nina ditempatkan pada sebuah keluarga tanpa anak. Nina harus langsung bekerja, padahal dia masih letih dan mengalami jet lag. Namun sang majikan tak mau ambil peduli. Nina ditempatkan di sebuah kamar sempit di bagian belakang rumah yang menyerupai gudang. Untuk makan, Nina diberikan peralatan makan tersendiri yang terbuat dari kaleng. Bentuknya mengingatkan Nina pada peralatan makan di dalam penjara yang sering dilihatnya di film-film. Makanan yang diberikan untuknya pun berbeda dengan makanan sang majikan. Nina hanya diberi roti 2 kali sehari. Dia harus bangun pukul 3.30 pagi dan bekerja hingga tengah malam. Tidak ada istirahat makan siang, apalagi hari libur.

Dengan kondisi pekerjaan yang sedemikian beratnya, tubuh Nina tak kuat. Dia pun jatuh sakit. Ketika sang majikan tahu, Nina tetap harus bekerja seperti sebelumnya. Ketika musim dingin tiba, daya tahan tubuh Nina semakin menurun. Dia semakin sering sakit. Nina mengalami diare berkepanjangan. Majikannya lalu memindahkan kamar Nina ke sebuah gudang yang berjarak 15 meter dari rumah utama. Nina harus tinggal di sana selama sakit. Berulang kali Nina memohon untuk dipulangkan ke Indonesia, tapi sang majikan tidak mengizinkan. Lebih dari itu, agen yang mengurus Nina di Dammam mengatakan dia tidak bisa pulang karena dia masih memiliki hutang yang harus dibayar dengan gajinya, terutama karena belakangan Nina sakit-sakitan, maka dari itu, Nina tidak menerima gaji karena dia dianggap tidak bisa memenuhi kewajibannya sebagaimana tercantum dalam kontrak. Dan gaji yang dipotong oleh majikannya itu pun langsung diberikan kepada sang agen.

Rupanya merosotnya kondisi kesehatan Nina disebabkan oleh virus HIV yang ternyata telah bersarang di tubuhnya tanpa dia ketahui. Majikannya pun semakin mengucilkannya. Seringkali Nina tidak diberi makan dalam sehari. Hanya diberi air minum, itu pun jumlahnya tak banyak. Tak tahan dengan keadaannya, Nina pun melarikan diri ke konsulat Indonesia. Beruntung paspornya tak ditahan sang majikan seperti buruh migran lainnya. Sesampainya di konsulat Indonesia, Nina tetap tidak bisa langsung pulang. Atas kebaikan hati dari istri salah seorang staf konsulat, Nina diperkenankan tinggal di rumah sang staf. Kondisi kesehatan Nina membaik, sebulan kemudia dia pun berhasil pulang. Tak sepeser pun gaji yang berhasil didapatnya dari 7 bulan berada di Dammam. Ketika pulang, Nina hanya membawa uang sebesar 100 Real pemberian istri staf konsulat tempatnya menumpang.

Nina bersyukur ketika dia telah berhasil kembali ke tanah air. Namun, kegembiraannya hanya sesaat, karena begitu tiba di kampung halamannya, Nina dikejar-kejar oleh PJTKI yang mengirimnya. Dia dituduh menyalahi kontrak dan diharuskan membayar sejumlah uang penalti. Alih-alih mengembalikan sawah dan membangun rumah, Nina malah harus keluar uang lagi untuk membayar “hutang”-nya kepada PJTKI.

Nina hanyalah satu dari sekian banyak buruh migran Indonesia yang bernasib kurang baik. Masih banyak kisah-kisah miris yang dating dari kalangan buruh migran.

Setiap kali saya pulang dari bepergian ke luar negeri, saya pasti melihat sebuah koridor di dekat meja imigrasi. Sebuah koridor khusus untuk para buruh migran yang baru saja kembali. Di atas koridor tersebut terpampang tulisan berukuran raksasa berbunyi “SELAMAT DATANG PAHLAWAN DEVISA!”. Hal serupa saya temui juga di bandara internasional Ninoy Aquino, Filipina. Sebuah banner berukuran besar yang menyambut para buruh migran dengan tulisan “WELCOME HOME OUR MODERN DAY HERO!”.

Siapa nyana, di balik koridor yang mengagungkan kedatangan para buruh migran tersebut masih tersisa rangkaian pemerasan. Hal ini pernah diliput secara eksklusif oleh wartawan sebuah majalah di Indonesia. Wartawan tersebut berhasil menyusup ke dalam dan menyamar sebagai buruh migran. Berbagai pungutan tak masuk akal menunggu para buruh migran di situ. Setelah keluar, mereka masih harus berhadapan dengan berbagai tantangan. Ongkos transport ke daerah asal yang besarnya tidak rasional, resiko dirampok di sepanjang jalan menuju kampung halamannya sampai dihipnotis dan ditipu. Semua orang mengira buruh migran yang kembali adalah OKB [Orang Kaya Baru]. Nyatanya, kebanyakan dari mereka justru pulang dengan tangan hampa, namun membawa luka batin dan fisik yang dalam. Tak sedikit pula yang pulang dalam keadaan tak bernyawa. Hanya tinggal nama dan tubuh beku di dalam peti mati.

Apa yang saya dengar dari Nina tentang pemerintah Indonesia? Seingatnya, tak ada hal signifikan yang dilakukan oleh kedutaan maupun konsulat Indonesia untuk mereka yang mengadukan nasib mereka ke perwakilan Negara tersebut. Tak ada hal signifikan yang dilakukan pemerintah untuk mereka yang telah dideportasi dan kehilangan kesempatan berikutnya untuk bekerja di luar negeri lagi. Tak ada sistem rujukan bagi mereka yang dipulangkan karena diketahui memiliki status HIV positif.

Berapa banyak sebenarnya buruh migran kita yang berhasil? Mungkin jumlahnya lebih kecil dibandingkan yang tak sukses. Sebutan “Pahlawan Devisa” bagi mereka sungguh tak sepadan dengan perlakuan yang mereka terima, baik di negeri sendiri maupun di negeri orang tempat mereka bekerja. Pahlawan Devisa, tapi nelangsa…

Ternyata… pelanggaran HAM terhadap buruh migran kita sudah berlangsung sejak pertama kali mereka memutuskan untuk menjadi buruh migran….

Pnom Penh

13 December 2007
I started the trip last night and surprisingly, we reached the airport in 2,5 hours only! So, I was stranded at the airport at around 4.30 AM. My flight is at 6.55 AM, so I have quite plenty of time to kill. I fresh up myself in the toilet and then go to find the check in counter of Malaysia Airlines.

It was 2 hour flight to KL, 30 minutes transit and off I go to Cambodia. The plane transited in Siem Reap for 45 minutes. I was thinking that I might get a wrong flight. So, I asked the flight attendant and he said that the plane will go back to KL after dropping the passenger in Pnom Penh, that’s why we landed in Siem Reap first. Siem Reap has a beautiful airport. Not big but beautiful. It took us 50 minutes to fly to Pnom Penh.

Something quite ridiculous happened last night when I just realize that I don’t know where to go in Cambodia. I checked all the emails from CARAM, but none of them saying anything about the hotel’s name. So, I called Malu to ask about the venue. She said it’s in Cambodiana Hotel. So, I exchanged my Dollar to Khmer Riel and had coke at the Dairy Queen. But actually, I don’t need to change my money because US Dollar is widely accepted in Cambodia. In fact, people here prefer to have US Dollar as payment.

I took a cab to the hotel. The driver’s name was Sovan. He was very polite. He charged US$ 10 [KR 40,000] to take me to the hotel. He drives slowly around the city and explain about the tourist sites that we passed. The roads are quiet here, juts like in Vientiane. So, there was no traffic jam. Sovan said I stay in a big 5-star hotel. The biggest hotel in Pnom Penh. When we reached the hotel, he gave me his business card so that I can call him when I need a taxi.

I share the room with Vivian. It’s a big room with 2 big beds. When I just changed my clothes, the phone rang and it was Nova. She asked me to have lunch meeting to discuss about the work plan. Wow! Work already? My God!

So, we meet at the lobby. Rathi, Nova, Valentina and I. We went to a café by the Mekong river side, had lunch together and then discuss the work plan. After 2 hours or so, we go back to the hotel and continue the meeting in the secretariat room. I met the rest of the CARAM staff there. We assist Ganesh with his speech. Ganesh is the chairman of CARAM Asia. At around 8.30 PM we go out to find ourselves some dinner. We met Luna and Asem from Jordan and we decided to go together. We go to a small but cozy Italian restaurant. The price is a bit high but the food was awesome!

14 December 2007
The first thing that we do in the morning is the Press Conference led by CARAM Cambodia. After that, we have a reporting session and discussing session over the constitution of CARAM. It’s a long day and we also have evening session [which I can’t contribute much due to lack of sleep that I suffered from the very start of my trip!].

The breakfast here is great. And the restaurant is also nice. It has a big terrace facing the Mekong river. The noodle is especially delicious. So, the meals are the only things that make me awake for today.

15 December 2007
Today we’re going to have task force meeting and then an election for new board members and chairman. Jackie volunteered herself to be the election commissioner. That’s too bad because we really want her to be the candidate for board member and chairman. But I guess she read our minds. Hahaha! Things are getting a bit hot when Navuth give announcement about tomorrow’s program. Tomorrow we all have to join a long march to celebrate International Migrant Day. The long march started at 7.30 AM!!! And he said, he will pick us up at 6.30 AM sharp!!! My goodness! I’m not a morning person. And most of the participants are also not. So, start complaining about the schedule, but really, there’s nothing we can do about it. In Cambodia, people start to work at 7.30 AM and they have long lunch hours [around 2,5 hours].

In the evening we’re having a celebration party. CARAM is entering the 10th year now, so we celebrate. The party is a cocktail dinner with performances from the migrant returnees. They do role play about the life of a domestic worker in Malaysia. They also danced.

We ended the party at around 10 PM. Some of the participants go out to the bar, but all the staffs are exhausted and we decided to go to bed after the party. We don’t want to wake up late and miss the long march tomorrow.

16 December 2007
I wake up lazily at 5.45 AM. That’s also because Gita called to my room. Strange! I ordered wake up call at 5 AM last night, but no one called! Thank God Gita called. So, Vivian and I were rushing ourselves to get ready. We managed to have breakfast at 6 AM. The sun rise is actually beautiful!

At 6.30 AM Navuth pick us up and we start to walk to the Victory Monument. That’s the meeting point with other migrants. The place is not so far from the hotel. Some participants are not coming. Surprisingly, those who went out last night actually join the parade! Great!

We start the march at around 7.45 AM and reach the ceremony venue at 8.15 AM. There, we have some sort of celebration for International Migrant Day. Around 500 migrant returnees are joining the long march. The ceremony attended by the chief of National AIDS Authority and chief of Ministry of Labour. Rina from Philippines is giving out a speech as the migrant representative.

The ceremony ends at 9.30 AM and we go back to the hotel. I go back with Gita. We really need to have some more sleep. But we can’t go to sleep anyway. We just lay down, smoking and chatting. At noon we decided to go out to the Russian market. This is our last day and we don’t have anything to do anymore except shopping and sightseeing! So, off we go to the Russian market. We ride a tuk-tuk, it costs us US$ 2.

The market is a traditional market where we can find just about everything. From vegetables, fruit, bags, clothes, souvenirs, food, shoes, suitcases, sunglasses, silver jewelries, home decoration, aromatherapy and many more! We spend about 3 hours in the market. I bought 8 table runners, 2 phasminas, 1 LV hand bag, 6 boxes of aromatherapy, 3 T-Shirts, a wooden box, 3 fridge magnets. After we’re done shopping, we go back to the hotel by tuk-tuk again. On our way back, we stopped at FCC to have lunch. It was a very late lunch. We chose Edelweiss Café by the Mekong river side.

We dropped our shopping bags in the hotel and then we go out again. This time to take pictures and sail on the Mekong river. We go on the Mekong river boat tour. The ticket is only US$ 1 per person. Finally, we sail on the Mekong river. The famous river that all this time we only read in our geography books during our high school. After that, Gita and I decided to go to the hairdresser. I want to blow dry my hair and Gita wants to have manicure – pedicure. But I end up having manicure too, and Gita ends up having a blow dry also! The salon has a cable TV and when the owner finds out that we’re from Indonesia, he put on Indosiar. Wow! Impressive!

We’re very happy with the service in that salon. It’s perfect! After that, we walk and have dinner in one café by the Mekong river. The place was crowded. It’s a sign that it has good food. While waiting for our orders, some kids approach us. They sell books. And there’s this 13-year old little girl, her name is Franny. She speaks quite good English. She’s in the junior high school but she sells books in the evening. She is not the only one. There are many kids who sell books here. Franny’s face is very sweet. I hope she’s not going to be a migrant worker someday. I asked her to bring me a book by Paulo Coelho, but she couldn’t find it and she looked very upset because she can’t deliver my request. This also avoids her from getting money.

We go back to the hotel at around 10 PM. When we walk out the café, Franny approaches us and ask, “Are you coming tomorrow?” and we said that we’re going home tomorrow. She looked sad. Maybe she was going to find the book for me and bring it on the following day. So, we wave goodbye there.

It’s a nice country. Nice people too. Good food, good market. I shall come back again someday… somehow…

My trip to Vientiane, Laos and Ho Chi Minh City, Viet Nam

Monday, 3 December 2007
So, I started my journey at 2 AM in the morning through a shuttle to the airport. And I suppose to meet someone from SBMI who has my ticket. I don’t know the person. I never met him, never seen him. I really don’t know how to find him. I just send SMS to Angie that I will be waiting at the MacDonald’s at around 6 AM.

I did meet the person after waiting and passing him by several times! I am short in cash because the UNDP only sent such a small amount. Enough to cover the fiscal and airport tax only! That is madness! The worst thing that I have to transit in Ho Chi Minh city on my way back home but they don’t provide the budget for a transit hotel, while I have a 24-hour transit! That is even more madness!

So, we travel anyway by Vietnam Airlines that is operated by Garuda. This is the worst flight ever for me! We have to transit 3 times! So, it was Jakarta – Singapore [transit] – Ho Chi Minh [transit again] – Pnom Penh [transit again!!!] – Vientiane [finally!]. That was a very exhausting flight for me ever!!! Just for the sake of saving US$ 20, we had to suffer from 3 transits! The other annoying thing was that in Ho Chi Minh airport I had to collect my luggage first because the luggage couldn’t check-in through from Jakarta. It was good that someone from the transfer counter was taking care of my luggage and make sure that it goes right to Vientiane.

I arrived in Vientiane feeling very tired at around 5.30 PM. So glad that the hotel had arranged a shuttle service for all the delegates. I can’t imagine if I had to bargain for taxi fares after that tiring flight. I met a lot of other participants, including Cynthia, in the shuttle.

The hotel is quite impressive. I think it’s a five star hotel and it’s fully booked by a lot of foreigners also. The room is nice and I don’t have to share it with anyone. But I had to move my room because my first room was a non-smoking room. The hotel is located at the tourist area.

After freshing up, I went out to have dinner with Cynthia and Reuben from Malaysia AIDS Council. We talked about a lot of things until around 11 PM. Then we felt tired and decided to go back to our room. So, I went up to my room and soaked myself in the hot tub. When you feel tired, hot tub is the best solution for the whole muscles in your body!

Tuesday, 4 December 2007
I woke up with a weary head. I slept so late last night. I didn’t feel want to wake up at all. But I managed myself to get ready and had breakfast at around 8 AM.

The session went well. I had to facilitate a group discussion about the challenges in HIV-AIDS for migrant workers and Civil Society Organizations. Some people in this workshop are not too familiar with HIV issues and some other not familiar with migrant issues. So, it was kind of dynamic. I like that! It keeps the class alive because a lot of discussions and feed back giving. Although I had to struggle myself against a participant who was very dominant in the group, I enjoyed myself.

At the end of the day, I went out alone to find a convenient store. I need to buy something. I asked the hotel staff, but I couldn’t get a satisfying answer. So, I decided to walk around and explore the surrounding. Accidently, I found a minimart and it was by the Mekong river side. And as I crossed the street to approach the Mekong river, I saw a lot of food stall there. So, I decided to have dinner by the river [even though I couldn’t see anything! It was very dark]. I think the place must be much prettier before dark. Especially during the sunset hours.

The streets in Vientiane are very quiet. Very few vehicles, motorbikes and tuk-tuk passing by on the streets here. It’s kind of nice, because I thought it would be like Bangkok, since Vientiane is the capital city of Lao. The city is considered very…very quiet. I wish Bandung is more like Vientiane. The weather is already similar. It’s quite hot during the day but getting cooler as the sun goes down. The cool breeze is a good companion. I felt a bit lonely though. I miss daddy so much. I really want to have some times to travel around with him. Maybe someday I will be able to do so. I want to take him to see another part of the world. The part that is better than the part he went before. More exotic and friendlier too. By the way, the prices here are about the same with in Indonesia. A bit higher, but the exchange currency between US Dollar and Lao Kip is the same as US Dollar to Indonesian Rupiah. So, it is impossible to save some, because everything is a bit more pricy here. I like the food here too. It’s similar to Thai food. So, I find no difficulties for food.

I went back to the hotel after checking my email in the nearest internet café. It was around 8 PM. I’m glad that this workshop is only for 2 days. But I’m still upset with the 24-hour transit. Even though I talked to Soimart from UNDP Bangkok and she convinced me that all expenses will be covered [but it has to be reimbursed] by UNDP, I have very little amount of money with me, so, I’m a bit worriedand feel insecure. Thank God I got my DSA on Friday, because Hadi came here without his DSA. They said that they already transferred but he didn’t get it until our departure time. He also forgot to exchange some Dollars too in Indonesia. So, he practically doesn’t have money. He borrowed US$ 30 from me for the visa on arrival at the airport. I feel sorry because I can’t help him either. All my money will be getting into my account on Wednesday or even Thursday. I hope it’s going to be there on Wednesday, because I have to cover my transit hotel first, and then reimburse it later to the UNDP.

Wednesday, 5 December 2007
Today we are going to have discussion on several things to be submitted in the UNRTF meeting tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. It’s about the involvement of Civil Society Organization in national and regional level. That’s tough, because a lot of civil society representatives are just tokenized.

At the end of the day we wrapped up with several recommendations for UNRTF in action plan format. By the way, UNRTF stands for United Nation Regional Task Force [just in case you don’t know what it is]. There are so many UN task forces, but so little follow up. I’m kind of upset about this matter. I’m not sure if anything is going to happen after this meeting. I hope there is a follow up, and a real one!

Thursday, 6 December 2007
So, I had to get up real early today because Malu, Cynthia and I have a breakfast meeting schedule. There’s no other time because I’m going home this morning. Well, not really home though. I’m going to stay over night in Ho Chi Minh city, Viet Nam.

I found out that a lot of the group member is also going to the airport at the same time. Jesus, Amy, Irene, Gladys from the Philippines, and then Jackie from Thailand, Navuth and his friends from Cambodia [I couldn’t remember their names]. We took a shuttle from the hotel at 8.15 AM. The streets are very quiet, there’s no traffic in Vientiane, which is very good because then we reached the Wattay airport in 15 minutes!

We took Vietnam Airlines and stopped in Pnom Penh before continued our trip to Ho Chi Minh city. It took only 45 minutes flying from Pnom Penh to Ho Chi Minh city. As soon as we landed in Tan Son Nhat International airport, my head was spinning because we need to find a place to stay over night. Malu lend me THB 4,000 and said that I can return it in the next meeting in Pnom Penh. So glad, because I don’t have any money with me.

After clearing the immigration, I exchanged my Baht to Vietnam Dong. I got VND 1,600,000, that should be enough to cover the expenses for hotel, taxi and meals during my stay. I managed to have a hotel reservation through a travel agent’s counter. The standard room costs VND 400,000 [US$ 25] and the deluxe room costs VND 550,000 [US$ 35]. That’s fair enough because when I see the map of the hotel, the location is close to the Ben Thanh Market, a famous place to shop in Ho Chi Minh city. Hadi also agreed with me, so he will have the standard room and I will have the deluxe room. It will all be reimbursed anyway. I also booked a taxi because the guy at the counter told me it costs US$ 7 and it’s a fixed rate. If I take a taxi by myself, it will be the same price anyway.

So, 45 minutes later we were in the taxi, heading for the Ha Hien Hotel at the 145 – 147 Ly Tung Street, District 1. Ho Chi Minh city is very different to Vientiane. It’s crowded, just like Bangkok and Jakarta. The hotel is located in the downtown area and has a lot of shops around it. It’s just like Sukhumvit area in Bangkok, so easy to find anything.

The hotel is a two-star hotel, but quite nice. And they have free internet too! Hooray!!! After laying back for a while, I went down again and see Hadi in the lobby. We went out to the market which is very…very close to the hotel! The place is quite huge and we can find just about everything there. From vegetables, fruits, food, drink, souvenirs, shoes, bags, clothes, house wares, house decorations, cosmetics, accessories, party utilities, disposable things, suitcases, flowers and many more! I bought some things there because I didn’t shop in Vientiane. The price is a bit higher than Bangkok though, and I had to bargain like hell!

On my way back to the hotel, I bought myself some dinner. It’s a grilled barbecued duck and rice. I took it away to have it in my room. It was nice!

Well, after this I just want to rest, re-pack my suitcase and get a good sleep.

Travel Journal

18 October 2007
Here I am, traveling alone [again]. This time, to Manila. I have to attend an orientation from my new office, CARAM Asia. I have a 12 PM flight by SQ, transit in Singapore for 2,5 hours then connect the flight to Manila. So, I will be arriving in Manila by 8.40 PM. Malu from ACHIEVE will give the orientation.

I killed time in Singapore at the Time News Link, buying Paulo Coelho’s books. Then I hang around the smoking room before headed to gate E11. There were many Indonesians in Changi airport. So many Indonesians while I was all alone.

The flight to Manila took about 3 hours and I was not feeling very well. I caught cold on my way to Semarang and still have it until now. I tried to sleep on the plane, but I just couldn’t. We landed at Ninoy Aquino International Airport at 8.40 PM, queued for the entry permit then waited for my luggage. I was told by Leslie from ACHIEVE that I should just take a taxi from the airport to the hotel. I will be staying at the Rembrandt hotel on Tomas Morati, Quezon City. Quezon City? I thought I came to Manila, do I have to travel to another city? I have no idea.

So, I managed to exchange my dollars at the airport, then find myself a taxi. It costs PHP 740, about US$ 16. Quite a high price. Along the way, I observed that Manila is just like Jakarta. All capital cities in Asia are looked alike. The traffic, the taxi drivers, all drivers, the transportation, the billboards, everything were looked alike. I found that it was quite far from the airport. When finally we reached the hotel, I was hoping Leslie was there because she told me that she will be waiting at the hotel. But then I realized that she was not there. So, I had to call her. She came 15 minutes later with Azon. She paid off my room for 5 nights then gave me my allowance. Tomorrow, Azon will pick me up at 9 AM and take me to ACHIEVE office. She said it’s not too far from the hotel.

So, the hotel is merely a three-star hotel. It has bath tub but there’s no complimentary mineral water in room. Well, that’s okay. I can always buy them outside.

19 October 2007
I set up my alarm at 6 AM, but I forgot that the clock on my cellphone is still Indonesian time, which is 1 hour behind Manila, so I got up at 7 AM here. I went down and had breakfast at 8 AM and went back to my room to smoke at 8.30 AM. When I just started to smoke, someone knock on my door. It was the room maid. She was talking to me in Tagalog, I asked her whether she wanted to clean the room and she said yes. There were actually 3 room maids. The other 2 also kept asking me questions in Tagalog and I kept replying in English. I tried to figure out the questions through their gestures and body language. Maybe somehow my answers were matched with the questions, because they kept speaking Tagalog to me. When leaving the room one of them said “Salamat, ma’am” and I said “you’re welcome”. I was laughing alone afterward, I thought they might think that I’m an obnoxious Filipina who abroad-minded and doesn’t want to speak Tagalog anymore!

Azon picked me up at 9 AM sharp. She’s going to show me the way to ACHIEVE office, so I will be able to go alone on the following day. From my window this morning I saw the street was booked by power generator vehicles. When Azon and I walked out the hotel, we found out that a huge stage was being set up for the Oktoberfest. It’s going to be a serial of performances tonight. So, we walked towards the circle monument just around the corner [about 50 meters from the hotel], crossed the street and took the jipni [or is it jeepni? Jeepnee? Jeepny? I have no idea!], it costs only PHP 7. I had to watch the sign, the direction for ACHIEVE office is ‘Project 2-3’. The office was 4 blocks away from the hotel. We got off at 11th Jamboree and walked a little to Fuentebella extension.

The orientation was quite quick and informal. We had lunch at the office then in the evening we all went to the Trinoma for dinner. Trinoma is an abbreviation of Triangle of North Manila. We ate at California Pizza Kitchen. This afternoon, we heard the news that one of the biggest mall in Metro Manila got a bomb blast. Eight were killed and 119 were injured. It happened at around 1.30 PM. The mall was Glorietta 2, located in Makati City. Oh, by the way, in case you’re confused, there’s no more Manila. Now it is called Metro Manila, and Metro Manila is consist of 13 cities [or is it 16? I’m not sure…]. So, my hotel is in Quezon City. The workshop will be in Pasay City. This blasted mall is in Makati City. Well, it’s maybe more like district, but they preferred to be called as a city because a city is having its own income and authonomy. Anyway, Metro Manila is full of malls and billboards. So hectic! But the dinner was great! It was Malu, Mara, Leslie, Rak, Ana and I. Then, Rak’s partner was coming to join us [I don’t remember her name!].

After dinner, Malu dropped me at the Imperial Palace near my hotel because the taxi couldn’t get through the traffic jam caused by the Oktoberfest. I, myself, had difficulties to pass through the blocked street. When I entered my room, all I wanted to do was soaked myself in a hot tub. But alas! The hot water was not working! So, I just had a cold shower. Then, I placed and arranged my sofa by the window, and watched the performance through my window! It’s a VIP seat! The performance finished at 1 AM. So, I couldn’t sleep until that hour.

Keywords of the day:
/Salamat: thank you/Bayan: pay/Para: stop/Murah: cheap/Mahal: expensive/Sige: okay/Ate: big sister/Lumpia: springrolls/Babai: woman/

20 October 2007
I got up lazily this morning. Today’s agenda is to go to Pinoy Plus. I’m supposed to meet Leslie at the office. So, I went alone to the office today. I managed to get there, even though I got off like half block away from the 11th Jamboree. At 10.30 AM Leslie, Mara and I took a taxi to Pinoy Plus. Pinoy Plus is located in Makati City. It’s like half way down of Metro Manila. Quite far from Quezon City. It’s near the airport. It took us almost an hour to get there.

I met Maricon and Noel there. And some other members. They were all nice. Leslie didn’t have to formally introduce me because I always had someone to introduce me to other people. Most of them were former migrant workers, seafarers and their spouses. Saturday is a gathering day. It’s like having a closed meeting for positive people in a more fun and merrier way. Imelda was cooking when we got there. And people just kept coming to have lunch together. We had lunch, we celebrate Maricon’s birthday [which was last week!] and sing to the karaoke together. It’s like a party. And we chatted around whenever we like to whoever we want. It’s definitely a great way to run a closed meeting. There were around 20 people in the room. The office was small, crowded, but had very warm atmosphere [although it’s raining outside. Very heavy!]. And almost all were new comers! Newly-diagnosed people seeking support and place to unwind their burdens. And Pinoy Plus really gave them the fun and support! I wonder… maybe we can do some sort of similar thing in our support groups back in Indonesia.

Since we also celebrated Maricon’s birthday, she was given the chance to dance with all male members in the room! I can tell that she really enjoyed herself. Hahaha! There was a huge cake on the table covered with gooey chocolate paste. It was bloody delicious! There was more than enough food for everyone. In fact, Imelda was still able to pack up some left-over to be brought home by everyone. There was spaghetti, lumpia and fried cheese served with soft drinks and ice cream. It was really a party. And I was told that it was a pot luck! It means, they chipped-in the food and the drinks to be eaten together. But Leslie and Mara [and almost everyone there too] told me that they do it every Saturday! Having lunch, singing together and drink together. They have a weekly medical check up at the nearest hospital. They always come to the office after the check up to get together.

Mara left earlier because she had to visit her friend in the hospital. So, I went home with Leslie. We took FX [or is it efex? I really have no idea!]. It’s a public transportation but more comfortable than the jipni [jeepnee? Jeepni? Jeepny? Whatever!]. It’s like a private car [Kijang, Panther] with air conditioner. We got off somewhere [I don’t know the name of the street] then we took Project 2-3 jipni because Leslie was going back to the office. It was easy for me, because I just got off by the Imperial Palace and walked to the hotel. I stopped by the nearest Starbucks to get a Ice Grande Hazelnut Latte, then bought a mineral water and hotdog for dinner at the Seven Eleven. It’s good to know that tomorrow is Sunday and I can get up a bit later because Maricon will pick me up after lunch. We’re going to the cultural center and the traditional market tomorrow. I should get some pictures by the landmarks tomorrow.

Maricon and Leslie told me that so many people at Pinoy Plus who thought I was a Filipina. I even overheard some people asking when I was around them, I could figure out the question. Do I look like a Filipina? Apparently yes, because I saw people in Phillipines just like Indonesians. But I was often being assumed as Indian or Pakistani. So, now the list is getting longer because people DO assume that I am a Filipina!

21 October 2007
I got up a bit late today. At 8.30 AM, to be précised. I went to take a bath, washed my hair, dried it and had breakfast. After breakfast, I went back to my room and tucked myself under the blanket again. I watched “Psych” until it was 12.30 PM. Then I went out to have lunch at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. I texted Maricon and asked her to meet me there.

The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf is not very far from the hotel. Just about 100 meters. I had Salmon Scrambled with Earl Grey tea. Maricon came at around 2 PM, she asked me where do I want to go. Well, I told her that I want to go to the traditional market to get some souvenirs. So, she took me to Quiapo by jeepney [finally… I know how to spell it right!]. It’s quite far, but actually I passed the place on my way to Pinoy Plus yesterday. It’s near the big church that has a plaza. Maricon told me, once an incident happened in that plaza and many people were killed. Quiapo actually is the moslem area. I even heard the adzan there. I bought the traditional shirts there and it was pretty expensive! It costs PHP 650 each! Well, it’s a handmade though. So, be it.

After finished shopping, we went to the Rizal Park. On my way to Rizal Park, I saw many vandalized walls along the way. It says "GMA Resign!" or "Gloria corrupt!". There were series of protests along the flyover wall. It had been a great issue in Phillipines that GMA [Gloria Macapagal Arroyo] had given a huge amount of money to the congressmen.

Rizal park is a big park where Dr. Jose P Rizal was executed. It also had Chinese Garden, Japanese Garden, Phillipines Garden, The Orchidarium, Open air auditorium for concert in the park and Art Gallery. There was also a diorama of Dr. Jose P Rizal’s martyrdom. What was pathetic was that the Chinese Garden and Japanese Garden were kind of full of people and lovers, but the Phillipines Garden was kind of deserted. No one went there. We saw many couples sat in the Chinese Garden. Some were laughing, some were being ‘lovebirds’, some were having a fight and some were crying. While at the Rizal Park, some street kids were having performance and people were gathering to watch. It was merely a funny acrobatic show. Suddenly rain was falling and everyone was running to get themselves under any roofs. Luckily, Maricon brought an umbrella.

After done in the park, we went to find some street food. I saw it the other day on my way to Pinoy Plus. So, we decided to go to Pedro Gil. And there… I found it! Barbecued street food and they are delicious! I wrapped some to be taken to the hotel. Then, Maricon waited until I got into my jeepney. It’s a long way to go. Probably about 1.5 hours. But that’s okay. I’m fine.

I reached the hotel at around 6.30 PM and enjoyed my dinner. The street food! It's called Isao. There were several kinds of isao made of barbecued meat, skin, ears, fats, liver, frozen blood and other inner part of the stomach, dipped into vinegar sauce or sweet sauce. It's really delicious!

22 October 2007
I have to go to ACHIEVE office again today. I have to give the receipts for my reimbursement to Raffy and get some reports of the previous workshop.
Everyone was asking where did I go yesterday. And when I told them that I went to Quiapo, they were all giving me that gasping look on their face. I don’t know why. Maybe because the place is quite far from the hotel. Or maybe because the place is not very safe for tourist. I told them that I went with Maricon, but we split at Pedro Gil when we go back home. Mara asked me how did I get home… and I told her that I went back riding jeepney. She told me, she doesn’t even know how to go back by jeepney form that area. Hmmm…. It’s quite an achievement for me.

There’s not much to do today. I just check on the report and try to figure out my new workplan accordingly to the report.

Regional Discussion on Sexual and Reproductive Health Rights

with Asia Pacific Network for Sex Workers [APNSW]

Wednesday, July 11, 2007
I had a direct flight from Jakarta at 10 PM. I hate flying at night. The only beauty of it is just the city lights that shown when we took off and landed. I took a shuttle bus from Bandung to the airport. The traffic was quite full when we entered Jakarta. But then we made it to the airport at around 8 PM. I stopped by the OhLaLa Café to have something to eat and drink. Then I lit a cigarette and smoke before I checked in. I didn’t smoke for a couple of hours and my brain got frozen by then.

I checked in my luggage at around 9 PM, then I started to walk through the immigration. It was not hectic. I just saw very few people there. Some of them are migrant workers. Probably it was their first time to go abroad. Some of the women looked restless and afraid. The group leader was trying to convince them that everything will be okay.

I’m not a very big fan of Garuda, but this time, I have no choice. I have to fly with Garuda. I hate the in-flight food. The fact that I was working in one of Garuda’s sister company is definitely discounted. Even though I was working at the same group, but I never like the in-flight catering [despite that I have friends in that catering service].

I chose to have the seat at the emergency exit because the leg’s room is bigger than other seat. That comforts me a little. I looked out the window when the plane took off. The lights. There are lights. Thousands of lights, just like a sea of lights and it was really beautiful. After all the lights are gone, I set myself to sleep a little before the stewardess came and serves supper.

Well, the journey was so-so. It was a hard 3 hour flight. I had to wake up in the middle of a good sleep. I really hate that. But I was really glad that I didn’t have to transit in Singapore, so I had at least 2 hours of sleeping on the plane. We landed in Svarnabhumi airport at around 1.15 AM.

On my way to the immigration, I stopped at the smoking room. I need to refresh and pull myself together before doing anything else. I stopped and smoke for about 15 minutes, then I rushed to the immigration. I passed through the immigration desk, collect my luggage and off to the lower ground to get myself a cab. I was really tired and definitely need to lay down before I go to the meeting this very morning. I gave the map of hotel location to the taxi driver and told him that I want to go to Saphan Kwai. It’s good that Andrew gave us the map, because the taxi driver looked a bit puzzled when he tried to figure out which way he should take. I asked him to stop by at the Seven Eleven because I wanted to buy something to drink. And when I got back to the car, he was calling someone and holding the map. It looked like he was asking for direction.

I got to the hotel at around 2.30 AM. So, it’s a small local hotel at Suthiisan Soi. It’s the other side of Bangkok [which finally I see!]. The hotel named Washington Suite Hotel, but it doesn’t look like a suite hotel at all. It’s definitely a 2-star hotel. Maybe it’s only 1-star, actually. It looks pretty far from everywhere and I suspected it’s in the red area. The rate was only THB 600, while my previous hotel was THB 2,000. At least it has a bath tub and air conditioner, small TV with Disney Channel and several other international channels, an empty refrigerator [they must be emptied the mini bar before we came]. So, after all, it was not bad at all. Well, I never complain about where to sleep anyway, so be it. At last, I have a bed to lay down in…

07.00 AM – it’s so hard to get up after only a few hours of sleep. It was less than 4 hours. I woke up with a weary head. I went down for breakfast after I managed myself to have a cold shower. I met Meena, Praba, Rohini, Rathi, Mae, Navud and Glenn. They all came yesterday.

We took off from the hotel at 9 AM and walk through the BIG C mall to the APNSW office. That’s where the meeting is being held for 3 days. The office is small but quite cozy. It’s located at the red light district for gay and transgender community. I think it was once a shop or so, because on the terrace floor we can read “DOLL HOUSE”.

So, the discussion was very informal. We sat on the matt at the 2nd floor of APNSW office. It’s very loose but the discussion was very hot. Mostly we discussed about sex workers, especially their rights. It was very interesting for me, because from this forum, I could get a different point of view about sex work, even though I cannot apply it in Indonesia, but there were something different about sex work and sex worker that never came into my mind before. Everything was too contrary for Indonesia. For APNSW, sex work is work. And people have the freedom to choose to be a sex worker. That decision should be respected, because some people actually do the sex work willingly. We also tried to differentiate sex work and trafficking. It was very interesting, because the definition of trafficking itself is still debatable.

Another thing that we discussed was that all the women’s movements seemed to go individually, while actually we have common issues. There is no collaboration within the women’s movements. So, we need to look further to have good collaboration with each and everyone of us since we came from different NGO background [migrant workers, positive women, sex workers, lesbians, etc]. it is good that we do different issues for women and we finally met here.

We finished at 5 PM and walk back to the hotel. I was trying to help Nelia Sancho to get her room at the Washington Suite Hotel. It was quite difficult because the receptionist did not speak English very well and kept misunderstand what we were trying to say. Finally Nelia got her room and Ratri from the Indonesian Red Cross was coming at around 6 PM. So, I helped her to get her room too. All rooms for the participants are booked under Andrew’s name, and the hotel management did not bother to write down our names on the list. So, it was difficult for us when we asked the receptionist about our friend’s room number. They don’t know! No one knows!

Ratri and I went out for dinner at around 7 PM. I had noodles. I just love the noodles here! Ratri, on the contrary, was not very keen and adventurous for culinary. So, she waited for me until I finished my dinner, and then I escorted her to buy her dinner at the nearest KFC! Oh… c’mon… people don’t go this far just to have KFC, do they???

We went back to the hotel at around 8 PM. I soaked myself in the hot tub. Hot tub solves every problem in the world [well, at least for me!]. So, I’m very thankful that this less nicer hotel still have the bath tub. At around midnight Ratri knocked my door, she said that there were coackroaches in her room, so she came and stay in my room for the rest of the night.

Thursday, July 12, 2007
Ratri’s alarm had woken me up. My ears and brain had awakened, but my eyes had not. I still feel weary and kind of lack of sleep. I forced myself to wake up at 7.30 AM. Get a cold shower and get ready for breakfast. When I had my shower, Ratri told me that she’s going to her room to take a bath. I met her downstairs at the coffee shop. So, as per yesterday, we walked together to the APNSW office. RD and Malyn said that they went shopping yesterday. I told them that I plan to go to Patpong today because I have to buy some things there at the Naraya shop. Ratri was eager to come.

I couldn’t really focus on the discussion yesterday because I was so sleepy. And I don’t think today would be better than yesterday. The discussion today was about the UNAIDS guidance for Sex Workers. It was about the 3 pillars that they set up for sex workers during the Program Coordinating Board [PCB] meeting. Cheryl told us that the 3 pillars guidance are not taking side to the sex workers, it’s still put sex workers in a difficult situation. We also discussed about the Provider Initiated Testing and Counseling [PITC] which had been running in some countries. Most of people don’t realize that many institutions conduct PITC rather than VCT. Like HIV testing in police station cannot be considered as a VCT, because there’s no “voluntary” element in this test, people HAVE to do the test that provided by the police station. So, in this case, that would be called PITC.

Andrew told us that he invited everyone to see a cabaret show at Calypso Cabaret Club in Asia Hotel. We have to meet at the office at around 7.30 PM. I told him that I would go to Patpong first, and I’d rather meet them at the club. He agreed and told me that I have to get off at the Ratchatewi station, and the hotel has a junction from the BTS station directly to the hotel. That’s good!

So, I went to Patpong with Ratri, to the Naraya shop. I bought some things there for my mom. Then we went out to see what people sell on the street. The night was young, so the sex bars haven’t started their show yet. We had dinner at the nearest MacDonald’s restaurant [guess who was picking the place!] and at 7.45 PM we were off to Ratchatewi by BTS. We met RD, Rathi and Malyn at the lobby. Malyn had our tickets and the others had already inside the club. It was a quite prestigious club, only gay and transgender will be playing in the show. Transgender is widely accepted in Thailand. They can work almost everywhere. I saw many sales promotion person of the cosmetic counters [the branded ones!] are transgender. I saw several shopkeepers also transgender. Even the morning receptionist at Washington Suite Hotel is a transgender. This cabaret club hires transgender and gay people to be professional entertainers. And the show was fabulous! It was like a Broadway show. The male roles were played by the gay and the female roles were played by transgender. They had been big tourist attraction and everyone was appreciating them. Navud told me, if he was not told from the beginning that it was a transgender show, he would never be able to convince himself that all women on stage were “artificial”.

Since I went shopping before the show, and bought almost a dozen of Fred Perry polo shirt, I went into the club with hands full of plastic bags. That was a bit a disturbance for me, but I enjoyed the show very much. I wish that gay and transgender could be widely accepted everywhere like here, in Thailand. We went straight back to the hotel after the show. Ratri and I were exhausted. And soaking myself in the hot tub was the best thing I could think of.

Finally we arrived at the hotel at around 11 PM. After soaking myself in the hot tub, Ratri came knocking on my door again. She said that she assumed her room was not being cleaned because the coackroaches were still there. So, she slept in my room again.

Friday, July 13, 2007
Everybody woke up late today. And the session began at 10 AM. This is the last day, so we tried to conclude everything that we have been discussing for the past 2 days. We agreed that we have to socialize everything when we go back to our country and try to seek or bring up more of lesbian issues, LGBT, migrant workers and sex workers issues. We also agreed that we will hold a meeting during the ICAAP8 in Colombo [because most of us will be there], and possibly we will have another meeting later on after the ICAAP8.

We finished after lunch today. Some of us were going home this very evening and some will be tomorrow or days after. Ratri and I went to MBK to catch up some more shopping [I still have many things to buy, since people in Bandung were ordering things]. I’ve been thinking about buying another suitcase, but for the moment, I just bought another cheap travel bag [costs only THB 200 = Rp. 55,000!!!]. If this travel bag is not enough, then maybe I should find another suitcase. I’m glad that I have all the orders on hand now [despite my hurting shoulders and wrists]. So, tomorrow I can go slow and relax. We hang around until 6.30 PM, then we went back to the hotel with sore back, twisted wrists and aching shoulders. I had dinner on the street, I bought noodles [what else?] and afterward, I accompany Ratri to have dinner at the nearest KFC. I bought some for myself too, just in case I got hungry later on.

Ratri moved into my room. She will be checking out tomorrow and move to her friend’s apartment. I will be checking out on Sunday night. So, I guess tomorrow I will go to Chatuchak alone. To see the weekend market. Ratri had been there, I haven’t.

Saturday, July 14, 2007
We woke up late today. It’s so damn good to wake up late! I really need that! We skipped breakfast and had a hotdog for brunch. Then I go with Ratri by taxi, just to accompany her. She’s going to her friend’s place and dropped me at the Sukhumvit area. A very familiar area for me. I walked through Nana. Just looking around and I saw the South Park T-shirts there. I bought some for Adit and for myself. Then I continue walking to the BTS station at Nana. I remember once when o went to Suan Lum by MRT, I saw the signage on the MRT map says “Chatuchak”, so I guess I have to go to Asok by BTS then switch to MRT there. But when I asked the security at the BTS station, he said that I just go to Mochit by BTS, then get off there and don’t need to switch to MRT line. Wow! Mochit is only a station away from Saphan Kwai, where I stay all these days! I didn’t know that Chatuchak was so closed by!

So, I went to Mochit. It’s Saturday. Many tourists were heading to the same destination. When the BTS was about to reach the station, I saw the market right away. It’s at the Chatuchak Park. It was a huge area. Even bigger than Suan Lum, I guess.

I wandered alone there. Bought some things for myself and had lunch at the noodle station alone. The place is more interesting than Suan Lum for sure, and the price also even cheaper here. Maybe this is the central for all stuff that sold in Suan Lum. I had to buy a big plastic bag here. I was about to buy another suitcase, but I thought a big plastic bag will do just fine for me. I couldn’t get my picture taken here, too bad. It’s because I was alone! That’s the disadvantage of traveling alone.

I went back at around 3 PM or so. Thank God that it’s only a station away from Saphan Kwai. I was so tired and sweaty. I wanted to be in my room so bad, and I wanted to take some rest before I meet Andrew at 6 PM. But when I walked from the BTS station and reached the Big C, it started to rain, so I had to manage myself to sit and have a coffee at the Black Canyon Coffee. It was a heavy rain outside and I was very thankful that I didn’t get in it. What disturbing me was that the rain stopped just at the moment when my coffee was served! Damn! So, I finished my coffee impassionately and walked to the hotel.

Washington Suite Hotel at 4.15 PM
I was dreaming about entering a cold room when the receptionist told me that they had power problem, so I had to take the stairs. What??? Thank God my room was on the third floor! So, I went into my room, managed myself to be soaked in the cold tub and got a little rest before meeting Andrew. A cold tub was not bad after all, especially after a sweaty trip.

I texted Andrew, telling him I was on my way to the office. I met him just around the corner. He was going to give me my last meals allowance for the rest of my stay. After that, I went off to Nana. It was like 8 stations away, but with BTS, 8 stations doesn’t matter at all. I stopped by at an internet café to check my emails, then I walked out to find something to eat. I wanted to have dinner at the O’Brian’s. Along the way from the internet café to O’Brian’s I saw many sex workers were standing on the street. Sukhumvit is a tourist area, so a lot of bars and international restaurants were located there with many tourist come and go. I stopped by at Bookazine to find something to read, and I found Paulo Coelho’s Like a Flowing River there. I had dinner at the O’Brian’s. I love that place. The food is great! I was quite happy to be there. Looking out the window, I could see people walking. This city is very fascinating to me. I love Bangkok very much. I never have fear to walk alone here.

On my way to the BTS station, I stopped by to buy some T-Shirts for Srikandhi. And I was impressed by the seller. They were muted couple, but very nice. They weren’t stop smiling and very grateful when I bought their items. The moment I stopped there was a very thoughtful moment for me. They didn’t use their handicap to gain pity from people [by becoming a beggar or some sort of thing], they fight to survive just like any other people would do on that street. They are, in my opinion, very noble. The man was muted and I bet he couldn’t speak English, but we communicate smoothly until we agreed about the price. He looked very outgoing and friendly. Very impressive!

I went back to the hotel feeling lonely. I had to go through 8 stations and I spent my time enjoying the city view at night. I AM lonely, but there was something beautiful within the loneliness itself. I enjoyed myself so much being alone. I was starting to feel like a local citizen. Going here and there by BTS, dine on the street, walking around. I hope someday I could come here again with daddy. He has to experience the magic of this city.

Sunday, July 15, 2007
I woke up late again this morning. I managed myself to take a bath and went out to find something to eat. I ate around the Saphan Kwai area, then I went to Siam Square just to kill time. I went to Happy Berry shop to buy a bag and sunglasses there. When I exit the shop it was raining, so I entered the Coffee World. Surprisingly the coffee was so expensive. It even more expensive than Starbucks and Black Canyon Coffee! And the taste was terrible! I sat there to finish my coffee and smoke for about 45 minutes. Then I went back to Saphan Kwai and go to the hairdresser near the Big C. It was a ritual for me before fly home. I hate going home looking messy!

After my hair had done, I went back to the hotel and started to pack my things. I know my luggages are overweight. But at least I managed to pack all things in 1 suitcase, 1 travel bag and 1 big plastic bag. I guess I just have to bear carrying the heavy travel bag into the cabin, while the other 2 can be checked in. after finished packing, I slept for about 3 hours. I planned to check out tonight at 11 PM. It’s better to hang around the airport than coming late. I ordered dinner at 8.30 PM. The food was quite good and the price was reasonable enough for me. Glad that I didn’t have to go out to find something to eat.

I called the bellboy and asked them to bring up a trolley for me. I also asked them to book a taxi to the airport. Everything went smooth because my room had been paid until Monday morning. I got myself into the cab and off to the airport. I told the driver not to take the expressway since it was already late and I assumed there’s no traffic jam. I was fascinated by the lights when we entered the airport area. The lights were incredibly beautiful! That’s the beauty of traveling at night [despite the sleepy feeling!]. The airport was quiet. I smoke some cigarettes before entering the departure hall. Some people were already starting to queue in front of Garuda desk. So, I followed. It was 11.45 PM. Most of them were Indonesian. I was worried about my luggage the whole night through, but when I arrived at the Garuda desk, I was relieved because I saw some people had even bigger suitcases or more luggage than I do!

16 July 2007 – 05.30 AM
We landed faster than schedule. It was a bad flight. We got air turbulence almost all the way from Bangkok to Jakarta. But I thank God we landed safely. Everything went smooth and I got out of the terminal. Then I have to find the Primajasa desk to get the ticket to Bandung. I didn’t see any ATM’s and I only got Rp. 70,000 + several thousands. It’s good because Rp. 60,000 will be for the bus and I still have Rp. 10,000 for a cup of cappuccino at the MacDonald’s.

I want to go back to Bandung as soon as possible. I want to deliver all the orders immediately. It’s so God damn heavy! Let’s see what do I get for myself… I bought 1pair of shoes, 2 shirts, 2 sack-dresses, 1 sunglasses, 1 Paulo Coelho’s book, 1 passport wallet, 6 G-strings, 8 bags [1 Naraya bag, 1 army sling bag, 1 DKNY travel purse, 1 travel bag, 1 Iceberg bag, 1 Backstage bag, 1 Juicy bag, 1 HappyBerry bag], 1 plastic purse HappyBerry, 1 journal book, 1 scarf, 1 Naraya cosmetic bag, 3 pairs of socks, 3 hair pins, 1 rubber band, 1 sport bra. That’s quite a reward for myself… hahaha!

Calypso the Cabaret Club - Asia Hotel, Ratchatewi, Bangkok, Thailand.

This is the sample of professionalising transgender and gay in the entertainment industry.

hari ini gue layat klien gue. dalam hati gue ngucap,"ah...akhirnya kok ya meninggal juga...". umurnya baru 21 tahun, kawin juga baru sebentar. anaknya aja masih di inkubator rumah sakit. tapi sebenernya dari awal gue liat dia, gue udah nggak terlalu yakin sama harapan hidupnya. CD4 cuma 7, profilaksis telat masuk, telat tau status, ada candidiasis oral, ada condiloma juga, ada TB paru juga. kok kayaknya terlalu banyak yang diidap. udah gitu, penyangkalannya masih gila-gilaan. gue aja belum sempet bicara soal HIV atau terapi ARV atau terapi TB. soalnya dia juga masih tertutup soal statusnya. rencananya sih gue baru akan mulai ngobrol pas dia udah pulang. eh... taunya dia udah 'pulang' beneran. ya sudah... mungkin memang ini yang terbaik buat dia. kalau dia harus ngerawat anaknya dalam keadaan sakit juga mungkin akan ribet. gue percaya, ini jalan yang terbaik buat semua pihak.

"kematian hanya akan membuatmu menjadi lebih kuat..."

Renjani - Biola Tak Berdawai

MALAM RENUNGAN AIDS NASIONAL KE-24

Leading the way to a world without AIDS
Membuka jalan menuju dunia tanpa AIDS

Gue lega banget, akhirnya acara ini beres juga. Kendala yang kita dapet gila juga. Persiapan sih mulus banget. Sponsor juga oke banget. Sempurna. Terlalu sempurna. Gue sempet kepikiran, pasti ada yang nggak bener karena semuanya berjalan terlalu mulus. Tadinya gue kira, water pump mobil gue yang bocor itulah "sesuatu" yang nggak beresnya. Tapi feeling gue nggak bilang gitu. Soalnya gue mogok pas banget di depan bengkel, jadi nggak terlalu masalah. Pas sebelum lunch, gue dikasih tau, mobil gue bisa beres sore, jam 5. Berarti beneran bukan itu masalahnya [walaupun gue harus nguras kocek mendadak dalam jumlah yang ampun-ampunan!]. Sepanjang siang gue terus mikir, "Apa yang nggak beres ya?". Tapi gue nggak berhasil nemuin jawabannya, karena kalo soal transport, Adit sama Anton juga bawa mobil. Jadi untuk urusan ngangkut materi dekorasi ke gedung mah kagak ada masalah.

Gue lega, karena semua udah ready. Dan akhirnya kita cabut ke gedung jam 15.30 untuk mulai ngedekor. Gue pergi bareng Anton, Anto, Moel. Naik mobil Anton. Gue ngambil tambahan snack dulu, trus masukkin komputer ke Bengawan, baru habis itu ke gedung. Pas nyampe di gedung, gue liat masih rame. Gue tau, itu gedung dipake orang lain sampe jam 3, jadi harusnya jam 15.30an kita udah bisa masuk, karena kemarin pihak gedungnya juga bilang gitu. Tapi ternyata pas kita masuk, ruangan yang mau kita pake masih full abisss. Trus, acaranya juga belum selesai. Masih pengumuman pemenang lomba, pake acara nyanyi-nyanyi pula! oh God!

Gue mulai ngerasa aneh. Butterflies in my stomach gitu deeeh... Nervous! Ya... gimana nggak nervous? Kita masih harus pasang dekor, ruangan masih harus dibersihin, lantainya masih harus di pel, sound masih harus di cek dulu. Dan ibu-ibu guru TK itu nggak beres-beres acaranya! Akhirnya gue nyadarin sesuatu... Ini "sesuatu" yang nggak beres, yang dari tadi siang gue rasain! Ya ampuuuun....!!!!

Dengan segala daya dan upaya intimidasi, akhirnya kita berhasil ngosongin ruangan jam 5.30an. Semua turun tangan buat beberes, kalo nggak gitu mah gimana bisa beres dong? Malahan, beberapa materi dekorasi kita pasang pas masih ada orang. Hwahahahaha! Biarin aja! Lha kita dikasih taunya bisa masuk jam 15.30 kok! Akhirnya sekitar jam 6 sore, ruangan udah rapi, tinggal ngetes lampu dan sound aja sambil jalan. Gue juga berhasil ngebujukin Babot sama Fian untuk nolongin gue ngambilin mobil di bengkel, jadi pulang acara gue aman, kagak usah nebeng-nebeng siapapun. Gue udah mulai lega pas liat semuanya udah rapi. Walaupun ternyata spanduk putih polos yang buat tanda tangan nggak bisa ditemuin, tapi itu nggak mendesak. Kalo nggak ada pun nggak apa-apa. Untungnya tim gue itu oke banget! Mereka nggak bikin gue tambah panik, malah bisa ngasih solusi. Terutama waktu ada pihak-pihak yang [seperti biasa] intervensi. Kita bisa tetep satu suara aja.

Gue kira, semua udah beneran beres, tapi ternyata belum! Pengisi acara belum pada dateng! Gue udah brief mereka untuk dateng jam 7-an. Ternyata yang dateng baru Elly sama Barus. Ohhh.... sementara mereka ada di urutan akhir, yang ngisi acara di awal malah belom pada dateng. Aduh.... Jadi gue mulai panik lagi deh... Rundown gue coba otak-atik. Barus bisa duluan, tapi Elly harus tetep terakhir. Gue minta anak-anak buat nelponin Sinta sama Burly. Dan guess what, jawaban yang gue dapet ya standar aja "udah di jalan". Pertanyaannya... JALAN MANA...? Belum habis panik gue, ada kabar yang harus ngisi sambutan juga belum pada dateng. Oh... this is just perfect! Seperti sebuah kasus yang kehilangan saksi kunci. Nggak bisa ngapa-ngapain. Belum habis deg-degan gue, ternyata Elly tiba-tiba demam panggung. Ngerasa nggak siap. Untung anak-anak pada get back dia segera. Kalo nggak, gue nggak tau deh, soalnya dia udah sempet minta digantiin aja. Ampun deeeeeh....

Akhirnya pas Burly udah dateng dan orang KPA juga udah dateng, trus gue denger kabar Pak Joko udah di balaikota, gue mulai aja deh acaranya. Rasanya udah lama banget gue nggak jadi MC, agak jiper juga. Mana banyak wartawan yang udah kenal pula. Duh, tapi nekad aja lah... Buat ngulur waktu sampe pak Joko dateng, Anto gue suruh kasih sambutan yang panjang. Untungnya dia kan emang doyan ngomong.

Overall, pembukaannya mulus. Burly sharing cerita dengan asik banget. Gue seneng dia bisa cerita dengan cara yang enak dan feel-nya dapet banget. Orang bisa ngeliat dia sebagai sosok yang besar hati. Dan itu bagus buat dia. Bagiannya Elly yang paling penting. Gue seneng suasana sendunya udah kena sejak dia masuk bawa lilin dan lampu mati semua. Jadi dia ngomong hanya dengan cahaya dari 1 lilin besar yang dia pegang. Awalnya dia emang keliatan nervous banget. Wajar lah, dia nggak pernah ngomong di depan banyak orang. Tapi lama-lama dia bisa nguasain suasana, dan semuanya berjalan baik, lancar. Gue lega banget.

Bandung, 14 Mei 2007

Bandung mendung dari kemarin. Mungkin alam juga bisa baca hati dan perasaan gue yang lagi kelabu [maklum lah, laki gue lagi jauh banget]. Gue berusaha untuk manage perasaan gue, nggak terlalu diumbar biar gue juga nggak berat ngejalanin hari dan dia di sana juga nggak terbebani. Padahal sebenernya sih gue kangeeeen banget sama dia, tapi gue tahan-tahan. Bahkan ngomong pun gue nggak mau. Soalnya berdasarkan pengalaman gue, kalo udah sekali keucap, waduh... kesananya gue jadi nggak fokus. Bawaannya beraaat banget. Yah... gue sih cuma berharap waktu cepat berlalu, biar nggak kerasa sama gue, juga nggak kerasa sama dia. Tau-tau udah waktunya pulang. Kan seneng kalo gitu...

I miss you like hell, daddy...

GUE PERCAYA

gue percaya...
Tuhan gue nggak pernah menghukum umatnya [nggak tau ya, kalo Tuhannya orang lain]

gue percaya...

apapun yang terjadi dalam hidup gue adalah pembelajaran yang bakal bikin gue jadi semakin kuat ngejalanin hidup[termasuk all those jerks who tried to stab me from behind, all those weirdos who think they knew everything about me, all those strangers who tried to distract my mind, etc, etc, etc]

gue percaya...

semakin banyak gue dikata-katain orang, semakin sayang Tuhan sama gue, karena siapapun itu, dia nggak lebih baik dari gue [apalagi kerjaannya cuma bisa ngomentarin hal-hal yang nggak masuk akal]

gue percaya...

gue dan teman-teman gue pasti bakalan maju terus, apapun yang terjadi [biarpun GF dibekukan dan biaya penanggulangan HIV-AIDS belum masuk APBD atau APBN]

gue percaya...

laki gue cuma cinta sama gue dan anak gue aja [bukannya nggak ada yang naksir gue, naksir mah banyak buanget, tapi nggak sesuai kriteria aja...hehehehe...]

gue percaya...

gue punya kemampuan yang cukup untuk ngalahin ego gue sendiri

gue percaya...

perbandingan orang yang sayang sama gue jauh lebih besar daripada orang yang benci sama gue

gue percaya...

time will tell everything...

LOG BOOK MK

kalo lagi in charge di rumah sakit, adalah kewajiban kita buat baca dan ngisi log book. baca log book buat gue termasuk hiburan juga, soalnya anak-anak nggak cuma ngomongin delegasi kerjaan atau ngasih informasi terbaru tentang klien atau kebijakan rumah sakit lainnya. ada yang curhat. ada yang galau. ada yang kesel. ada yang sedih. ada yang seneng. ada yang asal ngomong. bahasanya juga macem-macem. dari mulai bahasa indonesia, bahasa inggris, bahasa cina, bahasa arab sampe bahasa sunda juga nyampur jadi satu.

kalimat awal biasanya dimulai dengan "halo...jumpa lagi dengan [nama] di sini...". atau "hai, ini [nama] lagi in charge di [nama rumah sakit]".

kadang gue liat log book itu akhirnya berubah fungsi jadi ajang curhat aja. informasi tentang klien yang dirawat biasanya malah muncul belakangan. tapi nggak apa-apa, karena isi log book itu nggak pernah keluar kemana-mana, jadi rahasia anak-anak aman di situ. log book itu jadi saksi bisu semua emosi anak-anak. buku itu nggak ngomong apa-apa tapi dia punya dinamika sendiri. ada ups and downs-nya. ada juga yang kasih saran, kasih jalan keluar, atau sekedar ngasih semangat. gue ngerasanya log book itu jadinya lebih efektif daripada closed meeting.

"bun, pinjem korek."
"bun, makan yuk!"
"mau kemana kita, bun?"
"adin lagi apa, bun?"
"bun, tolong terjemahin ini dong."
"bun, daddy pergi dulu ya."
"bun, ntar in charge di mana?"
"bun, ntar pulangnya makan bebek dulu ya."
"bunda mau lunch bareng nggak?"
"bun, daddy ke IHPCP dulu ya."
"bun, password email diganti ya?"
"bun, rokok daddy di mana ya?"
"bun, liat inhaler daddy nggak?"
"bun, ntar gantiin oli mobil ya."
"bun, isi bensin dulu ya."
"kalo bebek penuh, plan B-nya apa, bun?"
"ayo bun..."
"bun, tolong air dong, mau minum obat."
"sayang nggak sama daddy-nya?"
"istrinya siapa sih ini...?"
"give me a kiss..."

...

sekilas rutinitas yang nggak akan ada selama 2 minggu ini...

About Being Narcist [just a bit]

belakangan ini banyak baget yang ngomentarin blog gue dengan aneh, dan gue yakin itu cuma satu orang. tapi lucu juga kalau ditelaah, orang biasanya melakukan sesuatu yang berguna untuk aktualisasi diri. tapi orang ini ngomentarin blog gue dengan semaunya untuk aktualisasi diri. ya, siapapun bebas mengeluarkan pendapatnya, jadi gue nggak mempermasalahkan hal nggak penting seperti itu. bukan prioritas gue.

lucunya, orang ini berlagak tau segala macem tentang kejadian di hidup gue, tapi komentar terakhirnya adalah "jiga elo teu nyaho prioritas hura-hura dan yang pokok. ga akan maju ari teu pinter". gue ngakak sendiri. jelas dia nggak tau gue. hihihi... karena hura-hura yang gue lakukan sekarang-sekarang ini adalah pergi ke playground sama anak gue, atau makan bakso sama laki gue, atau nonton dvd aja di rumah. apa itu bisa disebut hura-hura? gila kali yeeee.... kalo ngasuh anak aja dianggap hura-hura, trus... yang serius apaan dong?

kalo soal nggak pinter, dari dulu gue emang nggak pernah ngerasa kalo gue itu pinter. biasa aja.

tapi kalo dipikir-pikir, kalo gue nggak pinter... masa sih jaringan internasional seperti WAPN+ dan APN+ mau minta pendapat gue dan ngundang gue untuk ikut pertemuan mereka?

kalo gue emang nggak pinter, masa iya sih LSM internasional sebesar ActionAID mau susah-susah ngundang gue untuk jadi pembicara di Kenya kemarin? dibayar pula!

kalo gue emang nggak pinter, masa iya sih, KPA Nasional mau ngundang gue untuk jadi pembicara di pertemuan kepala daerah se-Indonesia yang pesertanya paling rendah sekretaris daerah dan walikota?

kalo gue nggak pinter, masa sih gue dipilih jadi koordinator asia tenggara di WAPN+?

kalo gue emang nggak pinter, mana mungkin WAPN+ mau masukkin gue jadi anggota task force mereka yang ruang lingkupnya asia-pacific?

kalo gue emang kagak pinter, masa iya sih, wagub bangka-belitung mau minta saran dari gue kemarin?

kayaknya nggak mungkin lah gue bisa dapet kesempatan-kesempatan itu kalo gue emang kagak pinter... hehehe... tapi mungkin juga semua itu gue dapet bukan karena gue pinter, tapi karena gue kritis dan cerdas. kalo pinter mah, baca buku juga bisa jadi pinter, tapi orang yang pinter belum tentu cerdas. gue sih nggak ngerasa pinter, nggak ngerasa cerdas juga, tapi yang menilai kan bukan gue. gue bisa melihat secerdas apa gue, ketika datang undangan-undangan untuk jadi pembicara, jadi trainer, jadi mass mobiliser atau ketika dipilih untuk menduduki sebuah jabatan.

kalo soal "nggak maju-maju", hmm.... berarti orang itu emang bener-bener nggak tau gue. karena dengan kerja di sini aja gue udah lebih maju dari sebelumnya. masih ditambah lagi dengan berbagai 'kesempatan emas' yang nggak bisa didapet sama orang sembarangan, kesempatan-kesempatan yang hanya bisa didapat sama orang yang punya kualifikasi khusus, ketrampilan khusus dan kriteria tertentu. pendeknya, orang-orang terpilih. hwahahahaha...! gue yakin dan gue tau, semua temen kantor gue masuk kualifikasi dan kriteria itu. karena kami memang bukan orang sembarangan. yang "nggak maju-maju" itu justru orang yang cuma bisa nulis komentar dengan label 'anonymous' sambil berlagak tau kehidupan orang lain, padahal yang dia tau cuma segitu-gitunya aja.

yah... akhirnya gue berkesimpulan, yang nulis paling-paling cuma seseorang yang karirnya stagnan, nggak ada dinamika dalam pekerjaan atau malah pengangguran, karena dia punya banyak waktu buat baca-baca blog gue. hihihihihi... trus, dia juga cukup rendah diri, karena nggak punya pengalaman sebanyak gue, jadi akhirnya dia mencari pembenaran dengan mencap gue 'sombong'. hwarakadah! kenal gue aja kagak, kok bisa tau kalo gue sombong? dan jelas banget dia butuh aktualisasi diri dengan caranya sendiri. boleh-boleh aja aktualisasi diri dengan cara yang dianggap paling nyaman, tapi kalo dia pikir gue bakal terganggu.... wah... salah besar. yah... apapun itu, tapi buat gue nggak masalah kok, orang ini sudah seperti fans fanatik gue. pasti dia gatel kalo sehari aja dia nggak baca blog gue. dan itu menguntungkan buat gue, karena blog visitor counter gue akan terus bertambah seiring dengan itu. lagipula, dari sekian banyak orang yang baca blog gue, yang ngejelekkin gue cuma dia aja kok. golongan minoritas. kaum marjinal yang tersisih. so, why bother?

tapi hal-hal seperti ini buat gue malah jadi bahan hiburan. sesuai dengan prinsip kenarsisannya gue dan aLbert: HANYA ORANG-ORANG NARSIS SEPERTI KITA YANG BISA MENGUBAH DUNIA! dan nggak perlu risau kalau sebagai narsis kita dicap sombong, karena kita memang beda dengan mereka. hwahahahaha....! hidup narsis!

semalem gue up-dating list klien gue. dan gue baru bener-bener sadar, fenomena infeksi HIV udah mulai bergeser. klien gue yang IDUs udah nggak banyak. klien-klien baru yang gue handle kebanyakan ibu rumah tangga dari pelosok udik nun jauh di pinggir kota. mereka yang nggak ngerti apa-apa dan nggak punya uang buat pergi ke dokter, ke puskesmas atau layanan kesehatan lainnya. mereka yang selalu punya situasi dilematis soal uang, kalau pegang uang, mereka nggak bisa nentuin mana yang prioritas, apakah uang itu bakal dipake buat biaya pergi ke rumah sakit untuk ngambil ARV atau dipake buat makan. kalau dipake buat ngambil ARV, mereka bisa minum obat dan performa kesehatan mereka bisa cukup terjaga. tapi kalo dipake makan, yang makan bisa serumah. seringnya sih, mereka ngambil pilihan yang kedua, karena kalau dipake buat biaya transport ke rumah sakit untuk ngambil ARV [yang notabene buat mereka pribadi], mereka sekeluarga mungkin aja nggak akan bisa makan seharian. miris juga liat kenyataan seperti itu. situasi di sini udah mulai mengarah seperti di afrika. nanti lama-lama ARV jadi ada pasar gelapnya deh, karena dijual sama pasien biar bisa dapet uang untuk makan.

baru-baru ini gue juga dapet klien perempuan lagi. lagi hamil pula! suaminya lagi sakit, dan si ibu itu adalah istri kelima...! dia ketularan suaminya. begitu tahu dia istri kelima, yang ada di kepala gue adalah, "alamak... nasib 4 istri sebelumnya gimana ya? ketularan juga nggak ya?". akhirnya gue balik ke kantor dengan kepala pusing, karena mau tanya sama si bapaknya kan nggak enak sama istrinya. nggak ditanya, kok rasanya ada beban moral untuk ngasih advokasi buat 4 orang perempuan itu. sampe hari ini gue masih nggak tahu gimana bagusnya. mungkin gue harus nunggu case conference dulu, biar bisa dibahas sama-sama.

ada lagi yang lain, ada laporan dari rumah sakit soal satu klien perempuan yang ARV-nya drop out. gue dikasih nomer telpon ibunya. pas gue telpon, gue dapet info dari ibunya kalo si klien ini udah DO obat sejak bulan puasa taun lalu. dengan polosnya si ibu bilang ke gue, "iya, si eneng udah nggak minum obat dari pas bulan puasa kemarin, mbak. soalnya kan dia udah sehat, udah nggak sakit, jadi minum obatnya juga udahan aja." waduh.... gue udah berusaha jelasin sama si ibu bahwa ARV nggak boleh diberentiin, tapi si ibu juga keukeuh sumeureukeuh, "kalo udah sehat mah, apalagi udah bisa kerja lagi, nggak usah minum obat lagi atuh mbak. da udah nggak apa-apa." ohhh.....

SURAT UNTUK SUAMIKU

daddy-ku sayang, akhirnya kesampean juga ya daddy pergi lama-lama. hehehehe... dulu bunda yang pergi 2 minggu, sekarang daddy yang pergi 2 minggu. mungkin kebayangnya lama banget, tapi percaya deh, 2 minggu nggak akan kerasa apa-apa. dengan jadwal yang padat dan sesi yang pastinya dari pagi sampe sore, daddy pasti kecapean. ntar tau-tau udah waktunya pulang deh... bunda bakalan baik-baik aja di sini. banyak yang harus dikerjain juga. daddy juga pasti excited karena bakal liat tempat baru, dapet suasana baru, ketemu orang baru. pengalaman baru pasti akan bikin kita fresh. bunda juga excited, karena nanti pas daddy pulang, pasti banyak cerita.

yah.. ada sedikit "gangguan teknis" di sini, tapi bunda nggak terlalu terganggu kok. malah lucu baca-bacanya. baca tulisan orang yang nggak jelas juntrungannya. tulisan orang yang kayaknya nggak kenal bunda tapi sok kenal dan sok menilai. hihihihi... biar aja. mungkin orang itu cuma bisa aktualisasi diri dengan cara seperti itu.

daddy baik-baik ya di sana....

we love you...

SEBUAH PENEMUAN

hari ini aku menemukan sesuatu:

sayang... ga bisa bales banyak2 soalnya gw emang ga bisa buat surat...huahahahahahaha. yang pasti gw sayang banget ama kamu and kamu tau juga gmn sayangnya gw ama kamu...kalo masalah ketemuan gw udah sering bilang emang kita ga usah sering2 bgt ketemuan karena emang itu butuh biaya yg besar sebaiknya kamu mulai nabung lagi ya sayang bukan buat gw tapi buat kamu dan aldo nantinya...gw ga mau kalian berdua hidup susah ampe ga punya tabungan sama sekali..karena gw sayang ama kalian sweety.....dah ah soalnya sambil buat gawean nih....I luv u audrey...both..

Luv

achiel

sebuah email yang dikirim oleh addictyangbaik@yahoo.com untuk drey217@yahoo.com

and by the way.... drey217@yahoo.com itu BUKAN AKU...!

ternyata pernyataan-pernyataan seperti itu bukan hanya milikku...

COBA TEBAK

coba tebak... apa yang paling bikin gue sebel kalo gue buka blog?

gue paling sebel kalo ada comment yang masuk, tapi penulisnya ANONYMOUS...!!! nggak gentle aja, kenapa harus nggak berani nunjukkin diri...??? pasti orang-orang yang di balik penulisan comment-nya ada hidden agenda... atau nggak PeDe... atau pengecut...!!!

ada beberapa comment anonymous yang gue tau siapa orangnya [masih temen-temen gue juga seeeh...] karena gue hafal gaya bahasanya. tapi ada juga comment anonymous yang nggak jelas juntrungan pemiliknya. duh, maaf-maaf aja ya... nggak bakalan gue publish dweeeh....!